Gill Moakes (00:00.81)
Hi, Tosca, how are you? Thank you for joining me.
Tosca DiMatteo (00:04.787)
Thank you so much. It's amazing to be here on your epic podcast.
Gill Moakes (00:10.23)
God, thank you. You are so sweet. And I love that you've taken the time to listen to some episodes and you've really, yeah, I really do appreciate that. And I and vice versa, yours too is awesome. So hold on, Lena, pause a minute. That's my podcast editor. I talked to her.
Tosca DiMatteo (00:30.175)
Okay.
Gill Moakes (00:33.35)
I've completely forgotten the name of your podcast. I am so sorry, that's so unprofessional.
Tosca DiMatteo (00:35.716)
The Unlock Lab.
Don't be sorry, oh my gosh, I'm flattered you called it out.
Gill Moakes (00:44.846)
Totally. Right, okay, Lino, going again.
You always say such kind things and I really appreciate it that you've taken the time to have a listen in and And your podcast too, the unlock lab is fabulous I really urge everyone listening go and check it out because it's a really Good solid podcast one of those ones that you wait to drop in your inbox So thank you for joining me. I'd be i'd love you to kind of tell everyone listening a bit about you and what you do
Tosca DiMatteo (01:18.235)
Yeah, well, thank you. Thank you for that. I appreciate it. Oh man, this is always like the, you know, I don't have an elevator pitch. I kind of just, my story changes every time. It's like, what am I going to, what, like, well, knowing your audience, right? Business owners. So like I had a 25 plus year career in corporate, in organizations, in matrixed organizations.
Gill Moakes (01:21.277)
Welcome.
Gill Moakes (01:27.158)
Thank God no one likes those. Yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (01:47.035)
and had that whole experience of how do you thrive? How do you survive in those environments? And for me, I loved what I learned. I was a marketer by trade brand, brand management stuff. But also I just am a human that's very sensitive to how I'm treated, how others are treated because I grew up and was born with a visible birth defect. And...
Gill Moakes (01:54.98)
Mm.
Tosca DiMatteo (02:15.575)
what happened was in 2018, I started looking at my life and saying, like, am I living my best life? Because I'm really a big proponent of that. Am I getting out of my own way? And I ended up launching my own coaching and consulting business to support others in that work of honoring their full power and honoring the story that they have to share with the world.
Gill Moakes (02:28.126)
Yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (02:45.327)
And so I'm a coach and consultant now doing that work. And the bigger mission of it is really making sure workplaces are healthy for everybody.
Gill Moakes (02:45.822)
Mm-hmm.
Gill Moakes (03:00.03)
Absolutely. So most of your clients presumably are in like the corporate space. It's in that kind of corporate environment. Is that right? Or do you sometimes work with smaller business owners as well?
Tosca DiMatteo (03:11.751)
Yeah, it's both, right? Like I work with, yeah, professionals. So whether they're in an organization or whether they are trying to figure out what's next, and that often becomes their business, or they've had something on the side and they're focusing on it more. So I work with a lot of, yeah, small business owners, entrepreneurs as well.
Gill Moakes (03:17.771)
Bye.
Gill Moakes (03:28.023)
Mm.
Gill Moakes (03:36.106)
And Tosca, the reason I was really thrilled that you agreed to come on the podcast is because I think your story is really inspiring and I love how directly your story has influenced the work that you now do. And by that, I mean the work that you kind of specialize in, right, around helping people overcome their inner critic. And I just feel like so many people are going to resonate with this because
It isn't even, it's not even directly the same as imposter syndrome, is it? I don't feel like it's exactly the same as that. It is deeper.
Tosca DiMatteo (04:13.243)
Right, no.
Tosca DiMatteo (04:17.455)
Yeah. Yeah, it is.
Gill Moakes (04:19.266)
Can you perhaps just position that for us a little bit and explain the kind of work that you do?
Tosca DiMatteo (04:26.863)
Yeah, I do the work to help people really understand what their truth is and what their intuition is saying and what actually brings them joy and what they actually want in their life and in their business. And the deepest foundation of that work is understanding what obstacles are in the way of even being able to...
uncover that truth and the inner critics, the dialogue that we tell ourselves is such a big part of how we get in our own way and how if we're not careful, we are following that counsel and advice and therefore staying small. And we, I think over time, right, we get molded, we have society messages, we have our upbringing, we have...
Gill Moakes (05:08.409)
Mm.
Tosca DiMatteo (05:22.255)
generations of messages that get embedded. And until we understand, well, who am I versus who, you know, are these messages what I truly believe? I think it's hard to unlock your full potential until you can really dive in and say, what here needs healing? What here needs just letting go of and deleting? And yeah, and not putting a bandaid on it, like not
Gill Moakes (05:25.632)
Yeah.
Gill Moakes (05:34.262)
Mm.
Tosca DiMatteo (05:52.247)
you know, mind setting, you know, mind setting ourselves, but saying like, can I really embody my truth and tap into that and see it for all its beauty and glory?
Gill Moakes (06:06.138)
Right. I know personally that I wasn't good at doing this for a long time. Like, I'm 56 this year, and I know that I probably until I was really close to 40, before I really started questioning some of the stories that I'd grown up with as facts, you know, I mean, I was honestly
probably near a 30 when I realized that I didn't actually want to vote the same way my parents voted, you know? And I think it is so easy to grow up with just inheriting beliefs and not questioning them. But what I find, and I don't know if you agree with this, is that when you do start questioning, it's like a box you can't put the lid back on, right?
Tosca DiMatteo (06:39.004)
Right.
Tosca DiMatteo (07:00.743)
Absolutely. And I think growing up in the eras that we've grown up in, right, the tools weren't there to be like, hey, do you think maybe you should question this stuff? You know, there's so much now that's like accessible to help kind of shake people awake. And like we didn't have that. Like I'm just so excited for like the current and future generations because there is more out there to help people see.
Gill Moakes (07:16.471)
Yes!
Gill Moakes (07:19.957)
Mm.
Tosca DiMatteo (07:30.023)
the patterns that they're in and hopefully the tools to decipher between what's absolute crap and what's true.
Gill Moakes (07:30.474)
Mm.
Gill Moakes (07:39.826)
Yeah. And how do we do that though, when it comes to ourselves? So coming back to that inner critic, that voice that has been formed by all those years of learned behaviours of inherited stories, you know, how do we recognize when we're being our inner critic is being really unfair to us?
Where do you start with that word?
Tosca DiMatteo (08:11.751)
Well, and it's a great question because I think what happens is these narratives, these voices get so intertwined with who we are that we think it's who we are. And that's why it's so difficult because it's like, oh, it's just who I am. Like I'm the person that beats myself up to push myself to do the next thing. And the number one, like the very, very first step is really deepening awareness of...
Gill Moakes (08:24.8)
Yeah!
Tosca DiMatteo (08:41.531)
What are you saying to yourself? And also like what feelings do you have throughout the day? Cause it may come up for certain people as feelings or sensations versus like the inner dialogue that you're having. But most people have like that inner dialogue. And it's really being aware of like, what am I saying to myself? And is it serving me? Is it serving me in the short term and the long term? Cause sure.
Gill Moakes (08:55.239)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (09:10.831)
It may serve you in the short term because you don't want to be uncomfortable with doing something different or saying the thing or holding the boundary. But in the long term, it's just going to keep you where you are. Right. So really, really pay attention. And I often suggest that people keep a journal for like at least a week, maybe even two. And listen to yourself and externalize it so you can actually see how you're treating yourself.
Gill Moakes (09:17.909)
Right.
Gill Moakes (09:28.504)
Mm.
Yeah.
Gill Moakes (09:40.35)
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I can hear some New York comments and goings in the background.
Tosca DiMatteo (09:45.823)
Well, oh my God, this is so, you hear my dog howling because they're, the dog howling because there's a fire truck going by. Hello, New York. I can't hide it. And I have speakers on and I have like all these things.
Gill Moakes (09:49.674)
Is that the door?
Gill Moakes (09:54.032)
It's like someone being attacked!
Gill Moakes (10:00.466)
I love it. That was hilarious. Lino, I think we'll keep that in. That was funny. Ha ha.
Tosca DiMatteo (10:08.019)
But I also think, you know what? I also think it's like pay attention audience, like there's sirens going off. To me, it's like, oh, that's a little bit of magic.
Gill Moakes (10:18.914)
That's so interesting! Yes, absolutely, there's a bit of magic right there. Yeah. That made me think of our joint friend, Deborah Driscoll. I heard her voice there. That's magic. That's the magic in us. She is. Love her. Yeah. Um, I want to share something with you actually, because you just reminded me of something that...
Tosca DiMatteo (10:25.159)
Yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (10:31.469)
Oh yeah, she's incredible. Yeah, exactly.
Gill Moakes (10:45.818)
this really has brought up for me this conversation because when I was younger, my mum would always tell me that I was just such a flim flammer. And by that she would mean oh, you know, you're, you're always doing this and then doing that you never see anything through to, to the end. You know, you're blowing hot and cold on things all the time, you never complete anything, you know, and that is a story about myself that I really brought through into my adulthood.
that was became who I was. And I would make the joke about it before anyone else did, you know, say, well, you know, it's me, I'll probably never finish it. And it was only really a few years ago that I really listened to what I was saying about that and challenged it and said, actually, is it a bad thing like it was positioned to me? Or is it that actually I'm a really brave person who's...
really comfortable trying lots of different things and failing and not keeping them up because I lose interest and why is that a bad thing? Maybe in some areas of my life that's actually served me really bloody well. It's behind the business I have today definitely, it's behind me making pivots when I started the wrong business, so I could easily have just kept on to that.
to that belief, couldn't I? And just kind of like, oh, beating myself up about that all the time. But it wasn't a story that's true for me now. And I, that's, yeah, that's really come up for me, just listening to what you were saying.
Tosca DiMatteo (12:20.597)
I love that.
Tosca DiMatteo (12:25.699)
I love that you shared that and actually that's so much of what this work is too, is like when something comes up from your past, like there's so much value in paying attention to that and not just dismissing it and for your listeners, right? For like what comes up for them on this episode, like that is everything. That is your intuition. That is your knowing that this experience that I'm thinking of that likely was like a long time ago. This
this matters and this is worth taking a look at. And the story that you shared is like, first of all, thank you, because for a number of reasons, first of all, I think a lot of people that have different passions and different interests deal with exactly what you've dealt with in your past and have to rewire because not only, right, from parental messages,
Gill Moakes (12:56.877)
Right?
Gill Moakes (13:04.154)
Thank you.
Gill Moakes (13:15.508)
Yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (13:21.903)
or perhaps either educators and other people like really, but it's also a societal message that's subliminal and overt, that society says because of industrial age, right? Focus, niche, do one thing, do it well, be efficient. Like we don't necessarily think of all these other messages that come in so many different ways that like, that add to this false belief that it's bad or not okay.
Gill Moakes (13:25.014)
Mm.
Tosca DiMatteo (13:51.207)
or a disadvantage to have multiple interests.
Gill Moakes (13:55.526)
Yes, I just could not agree more. I feel like we're made, we're almost bullied out of it. You know, I know a lot of multi passionate entrepreneurs who, you know, absolutely refuse to compromise and refuse to give up the things they love and all. And here's the key thing, though, because you do have to be willing to take some of the consequences of that decision as well. You know, we all know it is harder to market a business if you've got to.
distinctly different audiences or two distinctly different offers, it is harder, but that doesn't mean it's wrong for you. It means that you just need to make decisions for your business or your life in the full knowledge of all the pluses and minuses, isn't it? And not and have your own rules.
Tosca DiMatteo (14:39.912)
Yes!
And in a way, right? Like, and look, people project, right? They project their experiences, their biases, all this stuff on you, right? Because they're sitting there like, how would I manage these four or five things I'm interested in? How would I, like, right? They can't even imagine what that would look like because we don't necessarily have all the examples I think we do now with multifaceted, multi-passionate, multi-dimensional businesses, individuals.
Gill Moakes (14:52.837)
Yes.
Tosca DiMatteo (15:12.887)
organizations. But I think a big part of it is like, I can't see that roadmap, so I'm not going to suggest it. Or I can't see that roadmap, so I don't even want to take the first step towards it. Let me do something that feels like it's easier or that society says is the right thing to do. And that's where we get into the trap because we're not honoring the fullness of our superpowers. And it doesn't mean it makes it easier. But that's the path.
Gill Moakes (15:36.364)
Yes.
No, and that's the thing, that's the reality and maybe that's your path. It doesn't mean it's easier, it doesn't mean it's gonna be easy. It might mean that not, that sticking to the one expected thing, that might be the easier path. But that's not what we're trying to build, is it, in our lives? I don't believe. I don't think most people, most people are more fulfilled when they bring that full fat version of their dream life.
into reality.
Tosca DiMatteo (16:10.007)
Yeah, and I think there's a difference between having clarity on your message and having maybe even an anchor so that other people can kind of better wrap their heads around it. But that's not to say I got to throw out all these other things that I like to do.
it's those, these are different concepts. It's like messaging and clarity around that bigger umbrella. I call it like the golden thread of our journey, the bigger messaging that over arches everything that we do. And I don't care how desperate your passions are. I'm telling you, there's a golden thread because that's part of the work I do. Right? It's like finding that like, Oh, well, all of this makes sense because you know, you're interested in X, right? And which is that bigger
Gill Moakes (16:43.35)
Mm-hmm.
Gill Moakes (16:52.807)
Yes, I completely agree.
Gill Moakes (17:02.565)
Mm.
Tosca DiMatteo (17:03.487)
thread or umbrella. But what I have found in my experience is that when you can become clear with yourself and maybe you're even like focusing on something, right, because what you focus on grows, that all these other things get attracted anyway.
because you're just in this energy of honoring. I can still do all this other stuff and I'm making a choice to talk about this thing because I think that's gonna be like the unlock anyway for all the other things.
Gill Moakes (17:27.166)
Mm-hmm
Gill Moakes (17:37.986)
That's it. Absolutely. And what happens when we can't fight off that in a critic? What do you see happening with the people, when they come to you, where are they? What are they experiencing as a result of that?
Tosca DiMatteo (18:01.139)
Well, one quick thing I would say, right, is my belief around inner critic work is it's not about fighting your inner critics. It's actually about loving them deeply. It's about...
Gill Moakes (18:09.752)
Ah.
Oh well that's really interesting, tell me more about that.
Tosca DiMatteo (18:17.179)
And funny, we're having this conversation on Valentine's Day. But that the formation of our inner critics happen when we're really young. We may be able to see the pattern that starts maybe when we were older, but actually most of our deepest wounds start pretty early on or maybe in those really, really big pivotal moments in our life. But...
Gill Moakes (18:21.255)
Love it.
Gill Moakes (18:41.742)
Mm.
Tosca DiMatteo (18:45.811)
The inner critic voice is formed as a safety department, as a source of support and help at that time. It's the toolkit that you have. So let's just say you're five, right? And somebody, you know, does something to you. Now your body's like, how do I protect her?
Gill Moakes (19:04.883)
Mm-hmm.
Tosca DiMatteo (19:14.419)
from experiencing that again. And the tools might be, for example, well, I'm gonna like build my walls. I'm just not gonna let anybody in because if anybody comes in, I might risk like getting hurt or disappointed. And at those earlier stages of our life, it is love, it is basic survival, right? It is acceptance because if we're not accepted, right? Like our survival is threatened, right? And so we have to love these parts of us because at the end of the day, they were created.
Gill Moakes (19:32.148)
Yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (19:44.339)
to support us and to protect us and to help us. And the change now is that we don't need it anymore. And they're actually keeping us small or they're keeping us from experiencing joy. But that part of us doesn't necessarily know. So it requires an embracing to say, I love that part of me because that part of me also cares. And I need to shift my relationship with it because
Gill Moakes (19:52.535)
Hmm.
Tosca DiMatteo (20:13.751)
You know, I don't need, go on vacation, my friend. Like I don't need your voice to tell me not to speak up in the meeting. You know, because I know better. And I'm not going to, I'm not going to shrivel. I'm not going to die because somebody says my idea is bad.
Gill Moakes (20:18.125)
Yeah.
Gill Moakes (20:22.622)
Right, right.
Gill Moakes (20:32.97)
Right, it's that, it is that like, stop worrying about me. I've got this, you know, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Because when I think about that story I just shared about, you know, this mom always saying, I was this flim flammer. And sometimes that rears its head. If I'm overwhelmed perhaps, and I've maybe taken on, maybe be said yes to a few too many things.
Tosca DiMatteo (20:39.633)
Yeah.
Gill Moakes (21:00.342)
I will start on that journey of saying to myself, oh, not again, you've done it again, Jill. You've done it again. You've, you know, you've started things and you're not gonna finish them or you're not gonna do this. And that will be before I've even really processed what I actually wanna do with any of the stuff I'm planning, you know, but I will sort of nip myself in the bud. And I have learned now to be really aware of that. I'm really conscious of myself doing it. And I have to almost...
almost out loud. I mean, it's not out loud, but it feels like it almost could be out loud, say to myself, hang on, you are capable of making really smart decisions. Let's look at this logically. You know, or, or let's feel into this. If it doesn't feel logical, let's feel into this because I know I'm going to come up with the right answer.
Tosca DiMatteo (21:50.755)
Yes. And I love that basically.
Gill Moakes (21:51.702)
And I think that, so I love it. I'm kind of already doing that, but it's lovely to hear from you that that, that really is one of the ways you do it is to kind of acknowledge that it's not an evil bad thing that's going on.
It's just something you don't need anymore.
Tosca DiMatteo (22:13.435)
Yeah, you're doing it naturally, right? Like you know you have so much inner knowledge because you're intentional, because you live with the intention of unapologetically being you, right? So you have that inner knowledge to say, I've got to tell myself, like, you know, and oftentimes when we start to play bigger, right? When we are really, right? When we're trying the new things or when we're going after the big launch.
Gill Moakes (22:21.454)
Mm-hmm.
Gill Moakes (22:26.867)
Right.
Tosca DiMatteo (22:43.071)
Contrary to what I think people think, that that's when our inner critics can get even louder because now they're like, oh wait, danger zone, we really don't know what's happening. Or like, oh, we're really going to play big and like, we don't want you to like have hate mail. And you know, the inner critics, right, are like, wait, now I really need to protect her. Now my job is really important because she's trying to do this big thing. And so it makes sense, right? And then the...
Gill Moakes (22:51.01)
Ahem.
Gill Moakes (23:02.208)
Yeah!
Tosca DiMatteo (23:12.199)
The idea of the past coming up in those situations is such a cue to say, right, these are my wounds that are being triggered and in order to live my best, biggest life, I need to put that aside and lead with another part of me, lead with the cheerleader part of me, lead with the part of me that
Gill Moakes (23:20.642)
Mmm.
Tosca DiMatteo (23:40.979)
the wholeness of me that knows that like this is okay. And you know, so yeah, that's part of the word. And I would say using your voice, saying it out loud is really powerful, Jill. Like if you claim it in a moment, like and use that throat chakra and you just like, right, I don't need you. It's kind of like, you know, sometimes I talk about the inner critic, like a little kid, like the little kid is gonna nag you.
Gill Moakes (23:48.567)
Yeah.
Gill Moakes (24:08.481)
Yeah
Tosca DiMatteo (24:09.767)
Right? Mom, hey mom, right? And the inner critic is trying to get your attention. Don't do the thing, don't do the thing, don't do the thing. And then you got to like look at them and be like, honey, that's a no. You're not allowed in here. Like I'm doing the things, right? Like it's sometimes you got to have a little tough love and, but it's not about engaging. It's not about like engaging with the inner critic. It's about holding your boundary and saying, I love you. And
Gill Moakes (24:30.09)
Absolutely.
Tosca DiMatteo (24:36.455)
I'm good, I don't need you. Like go take a vacation, take a rest. Like mom's not gonna like, you know, be here making me feel bad, you know?
Gill Moakes (24:38.945)
Mmm... Mmm.
Gill Moakes (24:47.49)
Exactly. One thing I find, I don't know if you find this with the clients you work with, I sometimes find with my clients that this will show itself through them getting anxiety about future problems. Right? So you know, you alluded just then to the well, if I do this thing, I don't want the hate mail.
Tosca DiMatteo (25:05.298)
Yup.
Gill Moakes (25:10.73)
You know, it's like it's not even a problem that you have right now. It's, it's your inner critic, I guess, getting super loud and saying, okay, if, if just me whispering to you isn't working, I'm going to grab some things from the future that might happen.
Tosca DiMatteo (25:27.547)
Yes. And so, oh my gosh, just so many places I want to go with this. But one of the tools that I use with my clients that's super transformative is that we actually give that inner critic space to say what they have to say. And that is like just a visceral, heart-led embodiment practice. And that changes.
Gill Moakes (25:49.002)
Ooh, yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (25:57.087)
how my clients see their inner critics and see that actually they are operating in their best interest. That our inner critics do love us. They just don't have the tools because they're like five years old. They never grew up, you know what I mean? Yeah, and part of the work to your question around like, ah, like what do we do with the clients? Which is really honoring what you want.
Gill Moakes (26:11.088)
Right. Yeah. Right, right.
Tosca DiMatteo (26:26.139)
really honoring the truth of your desires, the truth of your values, the truth of what you want to lead you into action? And is it fear-based or is it abundance and prosperity-based and vision-based and the passion that you have for the work that you do and that's what you want to lead you, what you want to lead you is your clients and what's possible for them and however big your mission goes. And I think when
Gill Moakes (26:26.566)
Yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (26:54.895)
It's both of those things. It's really understanding what am I saying to myself that I don't believe that's actually not true. And part of that work is really saying, okay, well then what is true? What actually do we know for sure? And then also honoring, well, what is it that I want? And like, and then we can start to make those choices to honor that. And it's, it's a combination of all these things that can unlock and, and totally shift how
Gill Moakes (27:01.163)
Mm-hmm.
Gill Moakes (27:08.566)
Yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (27:23.135)
how frequently we have to deal with our inner critics, because we're leading with a part of ourselves and we're rewiring our brain a bit about what is it we actually believe in, what is truth.
Gill Moakes (27:26.794)
Mmm.
Gill Moakes (27:34.858)
Yeah, absolutely. I'm one of my past client and someone I've collaborated with on a few things now, Alicia Rodriguez, she has a saying that I just love and it's really similar to that. It's a speak to, I think, and I'm probably gonna get it wrong. So I'm sorry, Alicia. And if I've got it wrong, I'll put it in the correct version in the show notes anyway. But it's speak to fear and let truth listen.
I think is the actual one.
Tosca DiMatteo (28:04.264)
Hmm
Gill Moakes (28:09.05)
Yeah, and I think that's similar to what you're saying, isn't it? It's really listening in, and well, learning to really listen to what's true, what you know to be true, because on a level we do know truth.
Tosca DiMatteo (28:27.16)
Yeah. We always know truth.
Gill Moakes (28:27.678)
And I think we do, yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (28:32.059)
It's just, it's kind of taken out the garbage that's on top of that because we can't see it anymore.
Gill Moakes (28:37.214)
Exactly. Yeah. And that's the what that's the important work, isn't it is giving people the tools to dig out that stuff that's on top of them, weighing them down, keeping them playing small, stopping them actually from making the big decision because I'm a big believer that success is a decision that you make. You choose whether you're going to be successful or not.
And I think the work, this work that you do is so critical to freeing people up to be able to make that choice, to be successful, to have the life they want, to have the business they want, to have the relationship they want. I absolutely love it.
Tosca DiMatteo (29:24.211)
And you said something that I think is, it's so foundational, right? Which is like fear mindset, scarcity mindset that drives, oh, what if this thing happens, right? Or like, I don't want that bad thing to happen and so I'm just not going to do it. And it's just such an epidemic, right? Like in terms of
Gill Moakes (29:33.931)
Mm.
Yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (29:45.999)
of how the world operates around fear and it just feeds into scarcity, right? It's like, this deal is gonna go away in 30 minutes. You know, it's like, come on. You know, like, it's like that, I do too. And like, we're trained, right? Like, to like do it now or you're screwed or you know what I mean? And it's like, no, we get to take our time and know that we are...
Gill Moakes (29:49.312)
Mm.
Gill Moakes (29:56.014)
Absolutely. I hate all of that.
Tosca DiMatteo (30:15.303)
we are abundant, the world is abundant, and that all we have is this moment. So when we make a choice in the moment that is aligned to our truth, that honors our desires, that the fears that we may have, like we have everything we need to confront whatever happens, but that the most important, I think, step, especially as it relates to like building the business and growing.
Gill Moakes (30:18.862)
Absolutely.
Gill Moakes (30:23.457)
Yeah.
Gill Moakes (30:37.85)
Mm.
Tosca DiMatteo (30:45.215)
you know, what you're trying to grow in the world is honor what your heart is saying is needed and know that like you've got everything you need to address whatever happens next and that these like worst case scenario fears, oh my god, I'm gonna end up on the streets, I'm not gonna be able to feed my children like the...
Gill Moakes (30:54.889)
Right.
Tosca DiMatteo (31:07.539)
that you probably have about a thousand choices that you can make to avoid that situation. You know what I mean? Like that is like, and that's that inner critic getting real smart, right? Like, well, you might be homeless. Like, and in reality, you have so many tools and so many resources that you can, that is the chance of that, right? It's like 0.000, you know what I mean? But we, if we make a choice based on that.
Gill Moakes (31:14.121)
Yep, yep.
Tosca DiMatteo (31:37.907)
That's where we're missing. We're missing the bigness of what's possible for our lives and our business.
Gill Moakes (31:41.706)
We're missing the bigness. Absolutely, we're keeping ourselves really small. We're never gonna taste what the life we actually want feels like, and that's just soul destroying, I think. So I think the work that you do is so important for people. It really is. And I know that you mentioned to me before that you have like a toolkit that people can, we can put a link to.
in the show notes for this episode that people could access. Can you tell me about that? How does that, what does that look like?
Tosca DiMatteo (32:10.9)
Yeah, I'm happy to.
Tosca DiMatteo (32:17.123)
Well, yeah, I'm excited to share this because I think asking ourselves really profound questions can help us to see what's happening. So in the toolkit are some journaling questions to help you get underneath, like how am I treating myself? What am I saying to myself? Does it serve me or not? Along with some reading options that can help you.
Gill Moakes (32:28.024)
Yeah.
Gill Moakes (32:42.946)
right.
Tosca DiMatteo (32:44.167)
become more aware of this inner critic work. Some of it is like, you know, inner critic books and some of it is like, even like memoirs that speak to inner critics that people have overcome without actually saying inner critics. Like, and in this toolkit is also, you know, an opportunity to work with me at a really intro rate for those who are like, yeah, I'm ready. I'm ready to like start to.
Gill Moakes (32:55.601)
Mm.
Gill Moakes (33:13.023)
Awesome.
Tosca DiMatteo (33:14.379)
yeah, quiet these inner critics and shift my relationship with them.
Gill Moakes (33:19.518)
Absolutely. And we'll put the link to that in the show notes. But where else can people find out more about you and, and the work you do?
Tosca DiMatteo (33:29.255)
Well, if you go to my website, coachtosca.com, that then opens the world of all the ways you can find me. You can email me, you can find me on Instagram, you can find me on LinkedIn. I like to say I have a little media company going on, but my website is a good hub to explore more. Yeah.
Gill Moakes (33:37.154)
Perfect.
Gill Moakes (33:46.838)
I love that.
Okay, that's perfect. And I'll put a link to that as well. And I just want to ask you from my perspective, because I've really enjoyed this conversation. I feel like this is this is such a life changing kind of topic, isn't it? It's a really, how can I say it? It just feels so big. So I think, you know,
I would really urge people to look you up and get a little bit more familiar with what you do, because I do think there's a lot that people can learn from you around this. So I guess I want to really thank you, that's what I'm getting to, for coming on and speaking so beautifully about what this process is. Because when you talk about it, I feel like you have the kindest voice, and it straight away makes me feel like how could anyone like...
carry on beating themselves up when they've had your voice in their ear. It's like you have such a kind voice. And I think that's what we all need to hear sometimes is like that piece about understanding that our inner critic actually was formed when we were younger. And it's, it's trying to protect us. And all we have to do is say, look, I don't need you anymore, and kind of clear a path past it.
Tosca DiMatteo (34:52.19)
No.
Tosca DiMatteo (35:15.455)
Well, thank you so much. I can't agree more with this being foundational work and deep work and unlock so much. And if we have like two minutes, I just wanna quickly share a story. It just popped into my head again. It's just like honoring this. Oh, this popped in. I was working with a gentleman because this is, there is no data that says that it's...
Gill Moakes (35:22.398)
They're so foundational.
Yeah.
Gill Moakes (35:31.346)
Oh, I'd love you too. Yes, please.
Tosca DiMatteo (35:43.667)
different from men versus women. It just shows up differently. It presents itself differently. And I was working with this gentleman, let's just call him John. And John came to me when he was trying to reignite his passion for this company that he had been running for 17 years, like he started it. At some points it was his primary job, at other points it was a side thing.
Gill Moakes (35:47.229)
Yeah, I get that.
Tosca DiMatteo (36:12.771)
In that work, what we discovered is that he had an inner critic telling him what success looked like, which was very deeply steeped in messages from his parents as a child. What he discovered was that actually he didn't really want this business anymore. He got a chance to redefine what success was for him. Once he discovered that truth, it was...
Gill Moakes (36:20.009)
Mm.
Tosca DiMatteo (36:41.495)
It was magic. Within six months he sold it, but he was still on as advisor. He decided what he really wanted, he wanted to be able to live in warm weather during the cold months, something he never gave himself permission to do, and that he actually wanted to follow the path of being a guide in people's healing journeys in a particular modality. So just…
I just share that story because sometimes it's not about what are we trying to go after, but also what do we have to let go of to live our biggest life.
Gill Moakes (37:17.618)
Yes, absolutely. I completely agree with you. And that's such a beautiful illustration of that. Absolutely. You know, with him defining success on his own terms, and part of that being able to live in warmer times, it reminds me I once had a client and who told me a similar story about a guy who, just weather wise, I mean, who said that his goal in life was to be able to change the weather.
And what he actually meant, of course, was to have homes in all kind of all of the different hemispheres so that he could literally just move around the globe, changing the weather. And I always that always stuck with me after that. I was thinking, what a brilliant goal. Isn't that great? Yeah, yeah, I think we should all aim to be able to change the weather for ourselves and those we care about.
Tosca DiMatteo (38:02.187)
I love that. I'm gonna borrow that. I'm totally gonna borrow that. It's beautiful. Yeah.
Tosca DiMatteo (38:11.415)
Yes. Hey, and with inner critic work, you get to change how you deal with the storms of life because you're always the calm in it. That's the other piece. It's like you get to experience more inner peace when you are able to not have that inner conflict of your inner critics all the time. So thank you for the space to share this topic with your audience.
Gill Moakes (38:36.243)
Exactly.
Tosca DiMatteo (38:39.483)
and for your passion around this topic. I, it's such a blessing to be with you and share this message with so many others that I hope unlock something in their life.
Gill Moakes (38:40.23)
Oh my goodness, thank you!
Gill Moakes (38:50.41)
Oh, I know it will. I know it will. I think this is going to be an incredibly popular episode and I'm really grateful. I think it's a beautiful topic to talk about and you framed it in such a wonderful, accessible way. Again, I'm going to pop some links in the show notes, but I just want to thank you so much for joining me today. And I am so looking forward to talking again at some point. Bye for now.
Tosca DiMatteo (39:13.843)
Thank you. Me too. It's been a pleasure.
Gill Moakes (39:17.358)
Thank you.
