#179
===
[00:00:00] Welcome. Welcome to another episode of Rewild Your Business with me, your host, Gill Moakes I'm thrilled to have you here with me again this week, especially because I have a fabulous guest to share with you. My guest this week is Claire Schwartz. Claire is a coach. She works with people who are recovering from grief and trauma, and she helps them navigate that complex recovery path.
From those two things, she helps them really. Identify the right healing process for them to actually make that healing happen. And we have this really interesting conversation this week around how grief and trauma can really impact us as business owners and how to really come through that. And Claire helps us to dispel a few myths around this process of recovery from grief [00:01:00] and trauma.
She has been walking her own path of grief and survival for 35 years, and she has. Really incredible depth of authenticity to her. I find Claire really intriguing and interesting woman to talk with. She has a directness. She's incredibly compassionate. I can absolutely see why she's a sought after speaker and consultant in this world as well.
And it's an interesting topic for me.
It was an incredibly difficult time. I was building my first business and it was very difficult to do those two things whilst also navigating a deep, deep grief. So. I thought, you know what? This is gonna be an interesting conversation [00:02:00] for people because it's something that none of us think will ever happen to us until it does, and it's something that we don't prepare ourselves for as business owners.
And it's not necessarily a just bereavement. I think there are a lot of things that can happen in life that derail us.
Incredibly life changing when you are unable to show up in the way you're used to showing up in your business. So I was very happy to have Claire on the show and I can't wait for you to meet her. Let's dive into the episode. Welcome to Rewild Your Business. The podcast for women doing the work, their soul intended.
I'm Gill Moakes I'm an international business coach and I'm a guide for women doing the work that matters. Rewilding your business means cutting away what doesn't belong to allow, what does to thrive. Finding simplicity in your work, and it's about bringing the whole of [00:03:00] who you are to the table, whether you are building something new or finding your way back to what really matters to you.
I'm so glad you're here. Hey Claire. How you doing? Hello, how are you Ms. Gill? I am good. Thank you so much for coming on. After a couple of false starts on our part, a couple of hiccups. We've had a couple, but we're all fixed. Couple of hiccup. Yes, we're good to go now. So listeners, I have wanted to have Claire on the podcast for a while now, and it felt like the universe was conspiring against me for getting her on because the tech gods were not on my side.
So Claire, I'm so grateful for your patience and for agreed to come on today. Thank you. Worth the wait. Thank you so much. So before we jump into what I know is gonna be a rich conversation, 'cause with you and I, it always is, we could actually just talk all day. You are [00:04:00] just one of those people that I could absolutely talk with all day.
I wonder if you could just share with everyone listening a little bit about who you're and what you do please. Certainly. So I am Claire Schwartz. I am the owner and founder of Miriam's Well Healing LLC in the wilds of New Jersey, the USA and my website is You Can Heal Your Grief. I am a grief and trauma expert, coach and healer.
I have a BA in psych and also. Let's see here. Reiki master teacher, spiritual counselor, certified professional coach, and a member of the American Academy of Experts in traumatic stress and grief and trauma survivor myself. And so that is why I do this work because back when my losses and traumas began, which was [00:05:00] years ago.
We're painfully few resources and nothing that really got me the support that I needed. So I have set about in my practice in the last 15 to 18 years, depending on how you count, really setting up those resources and. Going to those deeper levels of where are the sticking points and what actually works for my clients.
I'm so gratified when I get those light bulbs that go off on the Zoom calls, 'cause I work remotely so I can principally work with us folks. But I've worked with folks overseas as well. And just watching those, the light bulbs go off the relief on people's faces mm-hmm. Is just, that's the thing. That's what gets me out of bed in the morning, so.
I'm pleased to be of service and hoping to talk about specifically, you know, as somebody who has [00:06:00] built my business on my own and been full-time with it since 2013. Um, oh, that's a while. And of course COVID changed everything. So really the solopreneur. A journey, which Jill has been on as well. It's a very unique thing, especially working out of the house as we do as well.
So it's a very unique puppy. And so just in general, how to address grief and trauma issues. From a workplace standpoint is one category, but more specifically also how to deal with it when you are self-employed because it gets complicated. I think that's one of the reasons I really wanted to have you on Claire, was, and, and I was just mentioning this to you before we hit record actually, was that, you know, people listening, I think most people know.
You know, I, I started my business after I'd lost my husband to cancer. [00:07:00] And my view of life changed and suddenly life became very short and far too short to be commuting into London with my nose wedged into a stranger's armpit. I'd had to commute to New York. Same problem, right? Yeah, exactly. You can relate to that.
Yes, I can. I was so fortunate in one way, which was that when Phil died, I was working for a corporate employer who were very understanding. They were incredible. They paid for me to have grief coaching afterwards and Wow, you know. Yeah, they really were very, very supportive. It was still an incredibly difficult time.
It was very difficult time, but to be able to just drop everything and take time off, I can see how fortunate I was to have that time to heal. I've thought a couple of times since. What the hell would happen if that happened to me now, now that I don't have a [00:08:00] corporation that's gonna look after my business for me while I heal?
You know, it would be so different and so. You know, when you agreed to come on and talk a little bit about that. What a great topic to talk about. And of course, we're not just talking about grief following a bereavement either. You know, this is grief and trauma as a whole. As a whole. It can really be anything.
It can really be anything can knock you off your center, right? So it can be a diagnosis, it can be a divorce, it can be. You got in an accident, so many things where suddenly your normal is way over there and how do you function? You know, if you have a workplace environment. That is, you know, your standard corporate framework, at least in America, it's kind of a crapshoot as to whether you're going to get the support that you need.
You got very lucky. Mm mm [00:09:00] That's not the norm in mm-hmm. The states, the average bereavement from a company for a loss of a spouse three to four days. Wow. After that you're digging into your sick days, your vacation time, you have to use all your accumulated time. And then when you run out it's gone. So then you've got unpaid leave and there are other pieces in terms of family medical leave act and that's very particular.
And you have to do paperwork and application and get your a doctor or therapist involved. And there's things, so we wish it were. Tricky. So the question becomes, if you don't have that framework of corporate quote support, you're still sort of ricocheting around the inside of your house. What do I do?
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? There are advantages to that, to a certain extent, because you don't have to [00:10:00] explain yourself to the corporate infrastructure about why you're taking this much time off. True. Reality is as a solopreneur, we don't have paid time off. Mm-hmm. Plus, we do a lot of unpaid work as well in terms of keeping the infrastructure of our business running.
So the first piece, regardless of where you are in life or what's happening is self-care is key. You're liable to go. Off track very quickly as far as things like eating and sleeping and whatever you can to please make sure that the basics are in place. Your food, water, sleep, if you can. I am completely not opposed to having medicinal support to either deal with your anxiety or deal with sleep issues during those times.
Uh, seek out your doctor and [00:11:00] see if you need a prescription Temporarily. Food is medicine, so eating good food. Hey, look, at some point you might need a pint of ice cream, and that's okay. Just don't do it. It doesn't Three weeks. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I think we all know the difference, don't we? Between a little bit of self-indulgence when we need it and kind of Yeah, maybe that's okay.
Yeah, you can give yourself permission. Certainly. Just be aware, and if you are not able to track those things yourself, to have a trusted friend who's gonna say, um. That's your fourth drink. Yeah, I know the funeral's tomorrow, but you're gonna have a wicked headache if you keep going. So just working on that as close to balance as you can.
Do the best that you can. It's gonna be wonky, it's gonna be sideways. And I'm particularly leaning towards, you know, if you're dealing with a death. But again, this goes for really any. Life. Life because routine [00:12:00] goes out the window. When you're bereaved. Exactly. Your structure goes out the window. Yeah.
Especially with a death in the family. Or if there's a, if you're, if you've been a caregiver, your whole world has been taken up by that, and now all of a sudden that's completely off the rails. And so how to manage that at the beginning is just keep things basic. Keep things basic. Do what's in front of you.
Don't stress about long-term things and really focus on the self-care and getting through time is going to be weird. Your one's time feels really wonky. How you perceive the passage of time gets really wonky. So when they say take it a day at a time, a day can feel like an eternity. So being very gentle with yourself if you are doing okay.
In this minute and not so well the next minute, [00:13:00] that's fine. It's okay. Things are going to get very slippery, like if I can use timey whiny in that context because your brain is trying to make sense of what's happened and it keeps reaching for things that aren't there. So your brain literally gets confused about what to do next, what order things go in, how to do things.
I often tell the story. Around when my mother died that I forgot how to drive. I really did not know what my hands and feet were supposed to be doing, and I, oh, yes. I handed my keys to a friend of mine and my boyfriend at the time, I said, don't let me drive. Do not put me behind the wheel. I cannot, I can't.
I just literally could not do it, and it, it actually took a few weeks. For that to come back and I forgot where everything was. I couldn't navigate, so that was awfully odd. Uh, and I was 25, [00:14:00] so that was extremely disconcerting for folks who are interested in, in my. Origin story as far as the loss is concerned.
Um, that's in my book, putting out the fire, nurturing Mind, body and Spirit in the first Week of Loss. That tells a lot about my story, but it's also the basics of how do you deal with those initial days and weeks. What to do, what not to do, who to listen to, who not to listen to. What do you need to deal with now?
What do you need to deal with later? You know, making those choices for your best overall wellbeing, and that applies. No matter where you're working. Yeah, absolutely. I think the book you've written, clay, it could only have been written by someone who had gone through that, a bereavement because just the insight to have that in the title as, remind me the tagline, but it's something about the first.
Days and weeks, [00:15:00] isn't it? Or the first Yes. Nurturing mind, body, and spirit in the first week of loss and beyond. Oh my goodness. And I feel like someone who was just writing from an academic perspective would not understand that that first week is so fricking surreal. Yes. Nothing feels real at all. I think that's a such an insightful title for the book because it's, it's not, uh, yes, grief is a, a long road of recovery, et cetera.
There is something so intense, so surreal about the whole experience of the first week. I don't even think it's necessarily the worst time the first week, but it is just the weirdest. For me, it was, it's a very particular framework. The way that I describe it is you're feeling every emotion. That there is.
Yeah. And you're also completely numb at the same time. Mm-hmm. What a juxtaposition that is absolutely right though. It's right. Right. And that's why a lot of times fresh [00:16:00] grievers are asking me, asking me, am I losing it? Am I crazy? I feel kind of nuts. And I say, no, no, you, you're just in shock and your psyche and your being are trying to figure out what the heck just happened.
It's literally your entire being just got hit with a freight train, and yet you have. 101 decisions that you have to make in the next five minutes that are extremely urgent when you can't remember well, as I said, how to drive, where are my glasses, how do I brush my teeth? What's my name? You, you can't function, but you have to.
And so how to navigate that, that's what, that's the resource that I was looking for back in the day that I was not finding. So I wrote it. I'm quite gratified that a lot of folks who. Have had older losses have still picked up the book and found use in it because they've navigated it without those ideas, and then they read it and go, oh, oh, [00:17:00] oh, oh.
That makes so much sense. I wish somebody told me that 10 years ago. Yeah, I feel like yeah, that is very, very true. Yeah. We're so much open now actually from, you know. Yes. 10 years ago when, when I lost Phil, actually. Yeah. There was not a lot of support actually at that time. So, to your point, you know, trauma and grief, the impact on us as business owners going through this, and you are right.
You know, it's not just about a bereavement. You gave a great couple of examples, like divorce, I mean, you know. Mm-hmm. The shock, and particularly if it's not you instigating it, if you are kind of like, I don't wanna use the word, but if you are like the victim of the decision, if you like, that's, I mean, is there anything more distracting from business and yet.
In business in 2025, we are expected to be on point all the time. We're supposed to be [00:18:00] showing up, we're supposed to be being consistent with our marketing. We're supposed to be doing all of these things that require us to be on all the time. All the time. And so when you are having. Memory issues when you can't focus, when you've had the poor eating and sleeping, you might be developing other health issues.
Maybe you're on medication that you kind of forgot, you know, the business of death, if you will. The legal steps, the family challenges, the logistical issues, the what do we do with the house, what do we do with all this stuff? How do I. You know, this other person used to manage all these things. Now I have to, I don't know how to do these things.
All of that are more freight trains, right? Yeah. So picking up, just like going back to work too soon is not recommended. Expecting yourself to go back full blast as a [00:19:00] solopreneur is not going to serve your business well at all. I think everybody's gonna take a different journey about that. One. A really important piece is to be honest about what's going on in your world.
Mm, I'm so sorry. I can't, I can't quite, can we talk next month? Because I've just lost my mom or my brother, or my best friend, or like one of my clients who lost her mom and then lost her best friend. It's too much. Can we get in touch? So be honest about what's happened. And the folks who are compassionate, those are your people.
Don't be afraid to lean on your network. A for support because some people are going to plug into that and really want to be there for you. And the other piece is the folks who aren't understanding or compassionate, those aren't your people and Right. You don't need to listen to, you know, so are [00:20:00] we having our meeting next week?
Uh, no. I, I really can't. Don't be. Timid about setting those boundaries because you have to it, as I said, it will not do your business any good to try to slot back into that when you are that sideways. Hmm. So use your network for lots of different things, not only for helping you process, but for the compassion that you need, and maybe even.
Reaching out to folks and saying, so, hey, you lost your mom last year. How did you manage? And, and having some, some support with that. Mm. So those are just some practical ways of, of using connection. That's such good advice. And I also think that in the, well we live in at the moment where. Connection is more important than it's ever been in business.
Vital, actually, I think being honest, [00:21:00] like you say, being honest and transparent with how you're feeling, rather than alienating people. I think actually your clients are gonna feel a deeper connection with you. I think they're gonna want be compassionate, you know? And also. If you are someone who's very visible, if you're someone like me, for example, it would be so strange for me to not talk about if, if I were going through something like that.
For me to not talk about it on this podcast would be really weird. It would be like so strange, and I'm okay with that because I think I'm, I'm very much about bringing the whole of who you are to your business. I think for me, it's the only way actually to build a business. Where do you see. The boundary, I suppose, because it boundaries are important, right?
Where is the boundary that we need to draw around feeling like we have to acknowledge everything and be open about everything, but still protecting what feels so private sometimes too. [00:22:00] That's an excellent question. It really depends on you as an individual. If you're very used to that personal sharing, Pete, right?
You can kind of feel it slip when you're having a conversation and all of a sudden you're going into more personal things or where it gets into oversharing, and it depends on your relationship with that particular person. If this is a colleague you've known for a decade, you know each other's families, you've been to events together, that's a little bit different.
So, I mean, it goes into the, the concentric circles of our relationships. The folks that you're closer to, you're gonna share more with. Yeah. It also, you have to know who you're speaking to because there are certain areas, particularly where. A loss and a trauma can get a little bit dicier if it involves things like suicide or addiction or domestic violence [00:23:00] or any number of things where people have an opinion.
And then you have to be careful where you put your trust about that because you don't need the judgment flying back at you. Oh, well they should have just gotten clean or they should have gotten help or they just needed to call. In this country it's 9 8 8, the the, uh, helpline. That's such a good point.
Yeah, you don't need that. There's gonna be some of that if you're talking about, because somebody is going to, what I call just the, they're just going to Yammer and there's not much you can do about that basically out in the world because people love to throw their judgments around. But you get to curate who you trust with that information and.
That is up to you. And sometimes in families, families don't wanna look at those hard truths about the folks who didn't [00:24:00] get help. Why didn't they get help? Or why didn't somebody make certain treatment choices for their cancer? I mean, there's so many layers where judgment can get poked in there. Yeah. So you have to know who you're talking to.
You have to know your own level of comfort. But I would suggest that you have. At least a place or two, either personally or professionally, where you don't have to edit. Right? That's the important thing. Being able to tell the truth about the whole story will make your healing deeper and more authentic than having to edit, you know, who you are or, and I've certainly had this in my practice where someone lost.
They're gay partner. Yeah. They just kept saying partner or spouse, without really saying, 'cause they didn't say husband and wife because they didn't feel comfortable saying that. And yet that little bit of editing means that you are not [00:25:00] completely healing all the layers. Mm. And of course relationships get so much more complicated than that because humans are complicated.
That's definitely is be mindful of you get to curate who you share what with. Yeah. And as you are saying that, that is so resonating with me because I was fortunate enough to have coaching after Phil died. I'm so glad and I remember that. That coach was the only person that I could share with at the time.
I mean, I can talk about it quite openly now about the relief initially as well, because I've been caring for Phil at home. I was functioning as a human I, and he was. You know, we were just waiting. And so there was this element of relief, but with relief comes so much guilt. So then the guilt of feeling that, and you can't share that with family and you can't, so all of that just bubbles up.
And so having someone, I [00:26:00] think you summed that up so beautifully. Someone that you can share with without having to edit anything. I love to know, Claire, a bit more about the kind of work that you do with your clients and really how that came about. How did you come to having gone through what you've gone through, how was it that your work has gone in this direction?
My background has always been in psych because grief and trauma are what I come from all the way back to my first memory. So when they say, do what, you know, this is what I know. Right. But I don't just know the grief and trauma part. I'm fortunate that I know the healing part. Mm-hmm. And I'm. Really passionate about that.
I don't do 50 cent, 15 minute, oh, you just need this and such. Well, no, that's not useful. That's not helpful. So I get very, very detailed in learning each client's story. How did this [00:27:00] occur? How does this connect to that? What have you tried in the past? What's worked? What hasn't worked? Whatcha interested in?
What lights you up? What shuts you down? I get really into what I call the niggly bits of who each person is as that their portrait starts to develop in my mind's eye about what makes each person tick. What. Is going move you forward and that's not something that you can just. Turn on like a light switch.
So I do a detailed intake. If the folks who love journaling and worksheets and those types of things, they give me so much depth into how each person is so that there's an ongoing relationships. Between the sessions because it's not just a one and done type of thing. You can't just say, oh, we're just gonna meet for an hour every two weeks, and hopefully something clicks.
The real [00:28:00] change happens when something shifts and you say, I can't do this anymore. I have to do things differently. And when you hit that personal commitment, I am all there. I always tell my folks, nothing scares me. I've heard it, seen it. Been there, done that. So bring it. I've got you. That was the support that I craved back in the day, you know, after mom passed, I was going to therapy twice a week, but I was, you know, 25 and didn't have all of the learning and the languaging that I do now.
And it was 30 years ago. So none of these things were in place back then. Right. And. I liked my therapist fine, but I also, I didn't have my trauma healing yet, so all of that was rattling around in my brain and so nothing really worked. I've really gotten very detailed as far as how does [00:29:00] the healing happen and what actually makes things shift and stick in somebody's life where?
There's before this and there's after this, and you go, oh no, I don't do things that way. And oh, that feels so much better. Oh, what a relief. Creating that and being a client's, you know, I always say I'm just a guide, but figuring out how to guide each client is the key. Right. And you know this too. Yes, absolutely.
Right. Absolutely right. It's got to be personal, and I get the feeling when you talk about the work you do, that it's incredibly immersive work. Yes. How do you deal with working at that kind of depth with clients? How do you look after yourself? Because I can only imagine that if that were me, I would find it.
So [00:30:00] incredibly draining and difficult. I mean, I, that's why I'm probably, why I'm not in that job, but my God, thank God there are people like you who are willing to go to that depth because I believe that that's what it takes. I know that that's what it took for me to move forward and for me to be able to function again, you know, as an adult, as a fully human.
How do you do that? How do you take care of yourself while doing that work? So I have to practice the same self-care that I preach. Mm-hmm. So that is absolutely key, which I am most of the time rested, fed and watered, appropriately caffeinated as needed. But it does take a lot of grounding and to be very, very clear, my role in that equation is.
To be of service. I am there as the guide, as [00:31:00] the support, as the advisor, and half a dozen other things, but it has to be client focused. If I notice my own stuff coming to the surface, mm-hmm. I have to be aware enough to go, oh, oh wait, no, that's not them, that's me. I need to go clean that up. Yeah. And I do, and I had a teacher a long time ago say, you have to make sure your own pot is clean.
Mm-hmm. Because you would not serve others out of a dirty pot. God, I love that metaphor. Yeah. Not mine, but I, I dig it and I work at that because I am here to be of service. And sometimes, you know, folks are going through quite a bit. Every once in a while I hear things. That obviously for privacy reasons I won't repeat, but some people, they've been through so much and lives can get [00:32:00] very heavy and messy and sometimes ugly.
And you know, my first responsibility is to create trust where they feel like they can share anything. And so they do. And every once in a while I hear, oh wow, that's a lot. That's a lot, and I need to be very aware that when those sessions are done, I'm gonna go sit on the floor for a while and just ground.
If I need to bang on something, if I need to release my own emotions, if I need to cry or rage, am I gonna do that? Yep. Yeah. I just had that a couple weeks ago actually, where I felt. My energy being way higher than it should have been. And, and I just said, oh, I'm just gonna go make dinner. And like, oh no, I should not do that.
I am going to go hold onto something really solid and sob for five [00:33:00] minutes and then I. Put on some heavy metal and banged on the floor for a while and then I was better. Heavy metal solves everything. Yeah. Just process that out and so that I could feel whole within myself. So it, it does take some time and attention, but it's so necessary because where are people going to put their stuff?
You can't carry it around. That's one of my touch phrases is. Unhealed trauma can destroy everything it touches. Yeah. So we can't walk around with it. It's gotta go somewhere and it's gotta be heard and reflected, validated and healed. And it is doable. Mm-hmm. I don't know anybody who really does it alone.
But there has to be help for that. So that's why I do what I do. I think it's necessary, and it is [00:34:00] timely because a lot of folks have so many things on their plates and, uh, yeah. So does that answer your question? It absolutely answers my question, and I just wanna acknowledge that. It's so interesting, isn't it?
It's not a contradiction, it's a, it's actually very natural, isn't it? That the fact that you feel. On that level means you can do that work. I think if you were someone for whom these stories of trauma didn't touch. You would not be able to get that level of trust, that level of empathy, that level of confidence between you and your client.
But obviously there is a cost to you of that. That does sometimes mean going away and sitting on the ground and sobbing. But I think if you weren't that person, you couldn't do that work. It has to be. There is extraordinary value that I found as a trauma survivor and as a griever to really talk to people [00:35:00] who get it.
Mm. Because I had support like that back in the day where I would just pour my heart out and I looked at the person across the room who was very diligently taking notes on their cute little legal pad, and I looked in their eyes. I thought to myself, you have no bloody idea what I'm talking about, do you?
Right. Right, because it was just blank. Why would I pour my heart out at that? So it's extraordinarily important to have that sense of, I would even say community IT within the trauma healing to just say, oh, you get it. You understand? Because there's so much stigma and so much judgment around these issues, right?
So that connection is vital. It's vital. It's another reason why it doesn't matter what kind of coach you're, I will never stop saying we are all, or we should be our own ideal client. The best coaches are [00:36:00] coaches who have walked the path that the person that they're coaching. Y It's just true and I don't care about the I version of what.
You know, coaching shouldn't your co coaching the person not the problem. I, I don't care about that. The fact is that there is nothing that can bring together that connection so much as a shared experience. Yes, a hundred percent. Claire, what. Kind of advice would you give to people who are running a business?
Maybe it's a solopreneur, maybe it's someone with a very small team. The kind of businesses that we have where if we're out of action, the business can't really carry on. We are the business. We are. Yeah. What would be the advice to people like us? I think one thing comes back to just super practical, is assume.
Something will happen that will knock you [00:37:00] sideways. And the more you can prepare for that, the better off you will be. As we've said, no PTO when you're self-employed. So I always advise folks, build a nest egg, build a cushion so that when stuff hits the fan, you don't have $12 in your account. Yeah, yeah.
Pounds in your case, but so yeah, building that nest egg. I mean, I find for my work, I really have to be very clear about what I am able to do. Sometimes it helps to take my focus off of my own stuff and go support somebody else, because that's a completely different part of my brain. So being able to understand, am I in that position where I can go back to being the guide or am I still mush on the floor?
Just recently, we had [00:38:00] two close losses in my family, one in February and one in March. And for each of those I had to really dec, I mean, if, if I'm doing a wake and a funeral, I'm not working those days. So a day or two after that, I am. Generally able to work, but that's just those particular things. And so being very aware, building that nest egg and build more than you think you need.
Yeah. So that you don't have to say, oh my God, the mortgage is due. I think that's such good advice that coupled with what you said earlier about the communication, being open and clear and, and communicating with your clients, et cetera, I think is really important too. That nest egg. I love that advice because I think it takes away the panic feeling.
If you've got nothing in the bank, you're running a business where you are already questioning how you're gonna be paying the mortgage at the end of the [00:39:00] month, you, you're gonna need to really rethink that. You're gonna need to take some steps, get some support to make some changes there, because honestly.
Like you said, something like this is gonna happen to a greater or a lesser degree. It's gonna happen at some point, and we all diligently pay our insurance for our business, and yet this is really the insurance you actually need. You need some money in the bank to just cushion you so that that panic doesn't take over.
Mm. I love that It's so, such practical advice. Yeah. And then don't be afraid to go to your doctor and ask for medical support if you find you're having too much anxiety or you're having trouble sleeping. I, I'm not anti meds, I'm anti overmedicating. Sure. Just to get some support to. Give you a more solid foundation to get you back on your feet.
And again, if you find that you need help, I mean it, it doesn't have to be me, but finding a [00:40:00] coach, a therapist where you really feel heard, where you can really process what's happening so it doesn't just. Shut you down, and we do that bootstraps thing and just pull yourself together and go back to work because there's nobody to fill your position and there's nobody else.
And that's just the worst reason. Yeah. It's the worst reason to go back to work. Yeah. Because you're not gonna do your best work anyway, just knowing yourself well enough. To say, you know what? I can't handle that today, or I handled it fine yesterday and all of a sudden today is worse because it's not linear.
It's not nicely planned out steps that are then, and then you're quote unquote done. It meanders. Some days are easier, some days are harder. Some days are, oh my God, I can't get out of bed. Some days are, oh, you know what I, I'm, I'm okay today. Okay, let's see what I can get done. And it also, it depends on your [00:41:00] loss, it depends on the support you have around you, all of those things.
So it is complex. I do think that that's where working with someone like yourself, I think can make all the difference as well, though. So it's not just about having the expert and the skills that you bring to conversation with someone you know, and, and clearly, you know, you, you describe yourself as a guide.
I love that and I, I totally see that, but also. I think in that period where you're starting to wonder, am I ready? Am I ready to go back? Am I ready to do this? To have someone that's there, to be that sounding board of, you know, and reminding you that you're not going crazy because you felt okay yesterday, but today you feel like you did three months ago.
You know, to have someone that kind of just brings that, it's not permission. It's not permission to put that way, but someone who just holds the mirror and says, you know what? This is absolutely fine. This is absolutely your journey and it's gonna be the way it's absolutely, and I do that often [00:42:00] with clients, is help them because your, your own mirror is gonna be all fogged up.
So to help reflect back at folks and say, you know, you might wanna think about this and such for a little while, and maybe we should meet more often and have, how about these journaling ideas? I know you had questions about the stuff or about this argument that you had with your cousin. You know, working through all of those lumps and trying to get the soup a little smoother so that you do feel like things are managed and that you can get back to not back, but because you can move forward in figuring out what comes next.
Yeah, absolutely. Claire, thank you. So interesting. Just I can't help thinking, you know, I wish I had known you back then because I think that you are absolutely right. The fact that you've been through your own grief and trauma journey does bring a [00:43:00] completely different dimension to these conversations.
And whilst, like I said, I had great support. I was great skilled support and I think that is different from someone who's lived this journey. So I wanna thank you. I also wanna thank you for just reminding us that you know, this is gonna happen, some kind of grief and trauma and that's not something to be frightened of.
It's not scaremongering, it's bloody life. Let's you know, we've gotta stop pussyfooting around and saying that everything's gonna be. Sunshine and roses all the time. As long as you crack the Instagram fricking algorithm, you know, that is not life. That's not how that works. And because it's so individual, I work with folks in lots of different ways.
For some people, meeting once a week for 60 or 90 minutes works great. Some people. Really find 90 minutes is not enough. And so I have the arrangement with some of my clients where we just talk [00:44:00] and work things through each session and they just go and until it's done for that particular day. And sometimes that's two to three hours and that's fine.
And we just work that way. It's very flexible and some folks really want that more. Intensive, personalized, especially because solopreneurs can be very purpose driven. They say, I need to figure this out now. I am ready. I can't do this myself. I, I need, and, and once a week just feels like I'm rattling around my skull the other six days.
So how do I get more support? And that's why I created my, uh, fearless Grieving to Fearless Living program, which is. Online it is a healing portal where we work together even on a daily basis where we, I'm creating worksheets and [00:45:00] journal prompts and gratitude things and videos. It's very personalized where you can literally have a personalized grief and trauma coach in your pocket.
Every day, and some folks really thrive on that. The deeper connection and support that when you write that worksheet first thing in the morning, I get it immediately. You get immediate feedback and some people really thrive on that and it is extraordinary. I've watched people just tip over walls and make progress at an extraordinary pace.
When they're really committed to that. We can make a great team for people that that resonates for. I love that. Can I tell you what I really love about that offer? Mm-hmm. I use the word language offer. Most people who are listening to this are coaches and other kind of practitioners, so they know what I mean when I'm saying offer.
The reason I love that offer is that I say to people all the time, you need to quit [00:46:00] duplicating generic offers that everyone else has because that's how other people do it, and therefore that must be the right way. You need to get into the head of your ideal client. I think. What is the way that I can serve them, that actually is the best way to address where they are right now.
And I feel like with that offer, that's exactly what you've done. It's almost. Beyond just a one-to-one coaching offer. Yeah, it's almost beyond that. It's literally saying, yes, okay, you're gonna get the coaching, but also like in the moment, I'm gonna create these very bespoke worksheets, journaling prompts, solutions.
You know, I feel like it's, that is one of the best examples that I've come across of offer that has been so thoughtfully and intentionally created to properly. Deliver on its promise. So I just, I just wanted to acknowledge that because I think it's a great [00:47:00] example of that. I can only take one or two people at a time in that, because it is very intense.
Of course, yeah. The results could be just extraordinary because very often folks aren't coming with just one thing, right? They're coming because they can't. Take it anymore, which usually means there are 2, 3, 4, 5 other things in their history that have not been tended to. So you're, you wanna tend to the whole person, not just that one specific loss or event.
So the depth of knowing somebody and then the breadth of the portal program that really puts. The foot on the gas that says, okay, we're gonna pick these things apart and figure out those, because it's the daily stuff that's the meat of it. Sometimes folks can do that on their own, but really having that backup, having that support of [00:48:00] saying, here's my journal entry for today.
Here's the dream that I had. Here's what's being kicked up. Having that. Constant feedback instead of, here's the thing I wrote down on Monday and I'll talk about on my session on Thursday. There's no waiting for that. You can write that on Monday and we will get it addressed on Monday. Yeah, Claire, honestly listening.
To all of that. It makes me realize how for the right clients who need this level of support, you know, I'm not sure there's an awful lot else out there, like what you offer. And one of my pet peeves is when. Coaches of any kind put out such generic offers. They're really, all they've done is looked at what other coaches do and, and replicated that.
And what I love about your approach is that everything has been so carefully designed using all of your own lived and learned experience, but also with real insight into what people [00:49:00] actually need. So I love what you do. I think it's so needed and it's an incredible offer. I don't think there really is anything like it.
Why do it if we're not gonna do it? Well, why do it if we're not gonna give people the tools that actually work? Here's what actually works. In the years that I've been. Doing these sessions, there are very specific things that can move you forward or hold you back. So understanding what those are and how to plug into that right equation.
Of course, it, there are massive numbers of variations, which is why I go so deep with my clients in terms of getting to know their story and their wiring. But there are really specific things that we can do to make that experience as. Quality as possible to really make this is the thing that's going to work, that's going to break through.
All of the noise of what hasn't worked, [00:50:00] and let's get you some peace. Let's get you some calm and some things that work so you don't have to live in this soak of stress and trauma and suffering. It is breakable, it is doable. And that's what I'm here to guide folks through. So that's why I designed that program.
Aw. Claire, thank you so much for number one, for designing it. As someone who's suffered a, a bereavement myself, you know, I know that, had I known about you back then. Is exactly what I would've needed for a start. Also, I suspect that people listening if they are thinking to themselves, you know what? This sounds like someone who could actually help me release some of the trauma I'm carrying, or, or at least you know, I'd like to find out a bit more about this woman.
Where can people find out more about you and where can they reach out to you? Quite a number of places. The places I tend to hang out the most, I mean, first of all, it's my website, of course, which is [00:51:00] youcanhealyourgrief.com based in the us but available worldwide. Um, and there's all my information of my, my personal story, my bonafide days, if you will, and.
All of the things that I offer, including from fearless grieving to fearless living, as well as individual sessions, as well as more concierge designed programming that if there's something that you want to do that you don't see, shoot me an email, let's figure it out. Let's make it work. So that's kind of what I'm all about.
And I was also access to my book, putting Out the Fire, which is. The book I wish I had when I had my first major loss with my mom, nurturing mind, body, and spirit in the first week of loss and beyond, generally. I mean, I'm happy to ship that anywhere and I, I know I ask people to, could you please buy that through my website and not through Amazon?
Oh [00:52:00] yes. And if you're listening to this, I echo that. Please buy it through Claire's website, not through authors directly. Yes, yes. We appreciate it deeply. And then you'll also get an autograph copy. So Amazon doesn't do that bonus. And I'm also on Facebook and LinkedIn if you're into social media. Those are my two main things in terms of hosting of things of, uh.
The social media world. So that's where I hang out. That's wonderful. Claire, thank you so much for coming onto the show and having this conversation with me. Really important conversation, and I just love your approach to the way you work with your clients. So I was very excited to have you on the show.
Thank you. I really appreciate that we, you are taking the time to acknowledge the grief and trauma world in, in conjunction with business, and you can't put those things on the side. If, if it affects your life, it's going to affect your business. Absolutely. Just soldiering [00:53:00] through that will not serve you.
So we all deserve to give some guidance and support, support and truth about how all of these function and how to put them in their place and get some grounding and some healing moving forward. Absolutely. You know, it's interesting you say that. Actually before we wrap up, because I, I sometimes feel like the online world takes business.
And equates it to marketing as if that is the only thing that matters when it comes to building a business, growing a business, living as a business owner, and there is so much more to being a founder of a business, an owner of a business. There's so much more to having a sustainable business. You know?
You have to be able to look after yourself. Businesses are run by people. People, humans, us real humans. Shocking. I know. But [00:54:00] humans have things. We have lumps, we have issues, we have bad days, we have huge challenges, pain and suffering. And so unless you're acknowledging the whole person, you cannot create a whole business.
Absolutely. Yep. Thank you. Thank you. We absolutely are on the same page with that. Hence the sign behind you. Exactly. Absolutely. Yes. My whole, anyone who hasn't seen me in my office will know. There's a, a great big pink sign behind me that says whole. So sums up my philosophy. Claire and I hope I will catch up with you again soon.
Um, for everyone listening, goodbye for now and I'll catch you back here. Same time, same place next week. Bye for now. Bye, Claire. Bye-bye.
