e177 Comparisonitis - The Game You'll Never Let Yourself Win
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[00:00:00] Welcome to ReWild Your Business. I'm your host, Gill Moakes. Thank you so much for joining me this week. I wanna talk about something that comes up time and time again with my clients, with my peers, with just about everyone who's ever gone down the road of entrepreneurship, and that is comparisonitis. It's a tricky little illness.
It sits in the same family as imposter syndrome, and it's a game that you'll never, ever let yourself win, right? So comparisonitis is that experience you have when you see someone else who is in a similar field to you, and you see. Their picture, perfect version of their business that they share on Instagram, or you see [00:01:00] their website that just looks so amazing and you look at yours and you hate it and never want to click on it again.
It's the coaches who are just posting about how they've just sold out there. Five, six figure program and you know you are still trying to fill yours up desperately trying to get another name on the books. And this at some point or another happens to all of us. We all take a look at someone else's beautifully polished brand or gorgeous photos and feel like we just don't measure up.
I don't let anyone that isn't ever touched by this, I feel like the people who claim that this never happens to them must be lying because I just feel like it's such a human thing to compare ourselves to others. Right. But the problem with [00:02:00] Comparisonitis is that the game is. You'll never win. You can't ever win because every time you get close to what you once told yourself was enough, your brain will move the bloody goalposts every single time.
Okay, let's dive into the episode. Welcome to rewild Your Business, the podcast for women doing the work, their soul intended. I'm Gill Moakes. I'm an international business coach, and I'm a guide for women doing the work that matters. Rewilding your business means cutting away what doesn't belong to allow, what does to thrive.
Finding simplicity in your work. And it's about bringing the whole of who you are to the table. Whether you are building something new or finding your way back to what really matters to you. I'm so glad you're here. So like I say, you get [00:03:00] close to your original idea of what was enough or what was desired, and your brain moves the goalpost.
So you might hit that income goal, but then no, suddenly you've gotta match the person that you've seen who's now making double. So you have to now match that, right? Maybe you finally launched the program that you've been dreaming about launching. You've been planning, you've got 10,000 Asana boards dedicated to it, but then someone else launches something that looks bigger, better, shinier.
You were really happy with yours until you saw theirs. And every time that happens, every time someone else has a, what you see as a slicker version. You're back to square one and it never ends. And this whole thing is built on a lack mindset, a scarcity mindset. That belief that no matter [00:04:00] what you do, it's never good enough when you compare it to what someone else is doing.
So why do we keep doing that? Why do we keep playing a game that.
I think the reason is that our ego secretly loves it. Our ego thrives on rankings on measuring, it thrives on being better than. So I think what happens is our ego is whispering all the time. If I can just get ahead of that person, then I'm gonna feel safe. I'm gonna feel secure in what I've done, or if I can look as good.
As they do, then I'll be respected. If I can match their success, then I'm gonna be finally be worthy. Right? But the problem with that is that our worthiness, [00:05:00] it's not something that's handed out, it's something you claim for yourself. It's inside you. So when you've got comparisonitis, kind of masquerading or pretending to be motivation, right?
Look at what they've done. You need to push yourself harder, right? But it doesn't make you push yourself harder, it paralyzes you. You stop creating because you're too busy measuring yourself against someone else's pitch. Perfect highlight reel, right? So the cost to you is huge. The cost of comparisonitis is that your creativity dies.
If you are constantly obsessing over how someone else is doing something, you can't hear your own ideas, you'll end up mimicking what that other person is doing, and the trouble is you're gonna end up looking and sounding like a watered down version of them, instead of the [00:06:00] perfect version of yourself, version that only your own creativity could.
And that is just such a shame because the thing that you could create, the original thing that you could create for yourself is always gonna be better, bigger, brighter than a watered down version of what someone else has invented. And honestly this kind of copying this, comparing yourself unfavorably to someone else and then trying to emulate or copy to the nth degree what someone else is doing.
It really weakens the connection that you make with others because people don't really want this weakened, watered down version of someone else. They want the actual real brilliant you. But you are so busy comparing yourself to other people that you're the first [00:07:00] one to cut down your own brilliance, to discount how good you are, and you end up never allowing how good you are to be seen by other people.
Because in your book, you've moved the goalposts again, your brilliance isn't good enough. The other thing that happens when you allow this comparison to take over in your business is that your courage, all of the things that I want you to be so brave about bringing to life in your business, that courage just kind of evaporates away.
You get a little bit paralyzed. It makes you not wanna launch anything, not post anything, not say the thing you really wanna say because. All of that in your head is already not good enough. You don't even give other people a chance to judge your stuff because in your head, it's already not good enough.
Because it's not good [00:08:00] enough to the person that you admire and you wanna look like or sound like. And then when that happens, it isn't just you who's losing out. Every time you hold yourself back because you're stuck in comparison, the person out there who needs your message, who needs the real you is missing out on the help that only you could have given them.
What a high price to pay for this comparison. So what I wanna talk about today is how do we then stop playing the game? Because honestly, it's really easy for me to sit here and say, well, just stop comparing yourself to others. Stop doing it, but I know that you're gonna be listening to that thinking, Jill, if I knew how to do that, I wouldn't do it because I know it keeps me stuck.
I know that comparing myself to others just makes me feel really bloody depressed and not really feeling like I'm ever gonna make a success of what I'm doing because in my head, it's not as good as what they're doing. [00:09:00] So I want you to think about how you can flip the whole script on this instead of comparing yourself to others.
How could you turn that from comparison into connection? So when you see someone else doing well, can you celebrate them rather than just envying them and comparing yourself to them unfavorably. Sometimes I feel like we treat business like it's the Hunger Games. You know, like everyone's gotta fight it out to the death 'cause there's only room for that one winner.
That isn't true. There's room for all of us. It's like in the forest, there's room for every tree to have its own place. So what if instead of comparing yourself and instead of mimicking what other people are doing, what if you really doubled [00:10:00] down on your own unique contribution on your originality? And we've been talking about this a fair bit recently.
When that comparison strikes when you feel your heart sinking because you've just spied something that you really love online and instead of just celebrating it, you're already thinking, my work is never gonna be as good as that. My website is never gonna look that good. My socials are never gonna be that resonant.
What if you used it as a cue to ask yourself, what is the truest most. Unapologetically me, version of myself right now. And then do that. Do that thing. What is the most radically authentic version of what I will want to say about that topic and do that because [00:11:00] do you know what, when you that comparison.
I absolutely know happens because don't think I'm immune to this. Right? This happens for me too. This happens with all of us. Everyone gets attacked by the comparison trap every now and then. But I know one thing for absolute sure, and that is that when you step outta it, you get your energy back, your creativity comes back, you'll start creating much bolder work.
You'll stop editing yourself against someone else's standard, and then other people start to notice that other people can feel that about you. When you have really got comfortable in your own lane, when you are no longer copying or performing the way someone else performs, that is when your own business starts to feel sustainable.[00:12:00]
That is truth because up until that point, when you are constantly on the wheel of comparison, constantly moving the goalposts, every time you see something that you think is bigger, better, brighter than what you have, your business doesn't just not feel sustainable. It isn't sustainable. No one can do great work in that kind of lack mindset.
So I really want you to think about how you can drop that constant scorecarding, right? How can you stop playing that game? Short and sweet one this week. But I've got three really powerful journaling prompts for you to think about. Before I share them with you, I want you to really switch on your awareness this week.
Switch on every time you [00:13:00] are over consuming content, because that's a surefire way that you are probably suffering from comparisonitis. If you find that you're constantly consuming other people's content, you are really at risk of this kicking in. Your consumption is outta balance with your creating.
You're definitely in the danger zone for suffering from this. So I want you to bring an awareness to that this week. How much are you consuming rather than creating? And I've got these three journaling prompts for you. So the first one is, where in my business am I measuring myself against someone else's yardstick?
That's probably a bit of an old fashioned word. Probably doesn't, uh, transfer across the pond too well either, so I apologize for that. But I always talk about a yardstick, you know, it's like, it's an old fashioned expression, but yeah. Where are you measuring [00:14:00] yourself against someone else's goal or someone else's definition of success, right?
That's what it means. The second prompt is if I stopped comparing myself to others. What would I create differently today? If I stop comparing myself? What would I create differently today? And the third prompt is what would my business look and feel like if I only played by my own rules? That one's a biggie, right?
What would my business look and feel like if I only played by my own rules? And as always, I would absolutely love to hear your reflections on this. So email me [email protected] or come and chat with me on Instagram or on LinkedIn. I don't mind where you know where to find me. If this episode did hit home, I would love it if you would leave me a review on [00:15:00] Apple Podcast.
It really. A difference to how many people can find this show. So that's very important. Please do that. The other thing I just wanna share is that we're still taking registrations for our 30th of September workshop. I'm gonna be running this workshop, it's called All of You, the Unapologetic Art of Showing Up Unedited.
So if this episode is. Something that struck a chord with you, please go to gillmoakes.com/workshops and sign up for all of you. It's my workshop that's happening on the 30th of September because in that workshop this is something we'll touch on and we will touch on owning all of who you are.
Showing up whole for your business because when you do that, when you do master that art of showing up unedited, [00:16:00] there is no space and no need to be comparing yourself to others because there is no comparison to make. Okay? Alright. So until next time, until next week, have a fantastic week. Focus on getting that balance right between creation and consumption and step away from the comparison game.
It's not one you'll ever win. Alright? Have a fantastic week and I'll see you back here. Same time, same place next week. Bye for now.
