e181 Rewilding Your Relationship With Money
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[00:00:00] Welcome, welcome to Rewild Your Business. I'm your host, Gill Moakes, and I'm thrilled, thrilled, thrilled to have you here with me again this week. Thank you for joining me, or we've got an important episode this week, and it's something I haven't talked about for a while. I feel like I used to talk about money mindset quite a lot, and I haven't for a little while, so it felt like we were due an episode about money mindset.
Let's face it. Our relationship with money is probably about one of the trickiest, most emotionally charged relationships that we ever have. It's a relationship that we overthink all the time, that we wrestle with constantly. And I'm not talking about. Themselves, or spreadsheets or strategy, or you know, financial planning.
That's not what this episode is about. This is about your [00:01:00] relationship with money. So it's how you feel about money, how you treat money, how is it quietly kind of shaping the decisions you make quite often without you even realizing it's happening. I wanna talk to you today about what it really means to rewild your relationship with money.
So that's a little bit like the context I use Rewilding when it comes to business. You know, stripping away what doesn't belong to allow, what does to thrive. This is about unlearning all of that guilt, the conditioning, all of the control to. Rebuild a relationship with money that feels more natural, more honest, and is more useful to you when you are building a business.
So let's. Welcome to Rewild Your Business, the podcast for women doing the work, their soul intended. I'm Gill Moakes. I'm an international business coach, and I'm a guide for women [00:02:00] doing the work that matters. Rewilding your business means cutting away what doesn't belong to allow, what does to thrive.
Finding simplicity in your work. And it's about bringing the whole of who you are to the table. Whether you are building something new or finding your way back to what really matters to you. I'm so glad you're here. So here's the thing. Most of us didn't choose the money stories that we have. And when I say money story, I mean all of the things that we've been brought up to believe to be true about money, right?
We inherit those from our parents, from our teachers, from the culture that we're brought, have kind of up those stories of the. Online abundance messaging that makes you feel like you are an idiot or you are failing if you haven't got this private account in the Cayman Islands. I feel [00:03:00] like, what was it, the secret I feel like that has a lot to answer for in terms of, you know, this belief that we can manifest, just blink and we'll manifest abundance around us.
Right? It doesn't actually work like that. I know that the premise behind manifestation and the secret, et cetera, never was intended to tell us that it did work like that. Unfortunately, the true messaging around abundance and around manifestation gets so diluted that that often is the message we take away.
That, you know, if we are not manifesting everything we want, there must be something wrong with us. We're not doing it right. We're idiots. You know, another story, another story that we like to tell ourselves. So thinking about the money stories that we grow up with, we were told at some point in our past, usually in childhood what is [00:04:00] good and what is bad when it comes to money.
So we're told that, you know, wanting more is greedy and that helping people should be enough for us. We're taught that being humble meant that we have to stay small and not boast, not talk about success. Especially if you are brought up British, then you would definitely had it drilled into you. Do not show off.
Don't show off, don't brag. So we were basically trained from a really young age to make money moral. And I think that's where it goes wrong because money isn't moral. Money isn't a reflection of how worthy you're or how spiritual you are. It's not a moral compass. Money is neutral. It's energy. If anything, money is a mirror for ourselves.
The trouble is when we [00:05:00] treat it like it's moral, right? Almost becomes. The authority and it, it starts to dictate the way we behave and we start maybe hustling and doing work that we don't particularly wanna do because we wanna look successful financially. Conversely, we might start undercharging because we wanna seem like we're good people start over, deliver because we wanna prove our value, right.
A really kind of messed up way to think about money. It's completely self-sacrificing actually. It just doesn't serve anyone. I feel like a lot of us have been here with money. Listening to this podcast already might be sparking for you a few of the stories that you grew up with and how those are [00:06:00] now dictating the way you behave.
So it's things like. Maybe you are already discounting the price of your coaching, the price of your offer before you've even ever run the price by someone. And maybe you are one of those people who's overdelivering constantly, literally driving yourself to the brink of burnout so that you can feel like you've earned what someone's paid you.
Right? Maybe you are someone who feels that slight twinge of guilt when money lands in your account. Almost like you are taking advantage of someone by having them pay you. And then there's the big one. This was me for a long time. You avoid checking your numbers because you don't wanna look at it. If it's disappointing, money really does.
Touch the kind of [00:07:00] deepest parts of us. When you think about it, it's like our sense of safety is often dictated by money in the bank. Our self-worth, whether we decide we belong or not in a certain circle, can all be dictated by money. So then we're either constantly chasing money, we're putting money as the focus of everything we do.
Or we go the other way and we pretend that we're above caring about it at all. And both of those things are ego. Both of those are about control. Neither one of those. Whether you are chasing money and money becomes all you care about and the only thing that drives the decisions you make in your business, or whether you are completely in denial about financial rewards and you are just utterly focused on the impact and pay no attention to money, both of those are controlled.
Neither one of those represents freedom for you. So when I talk about [00:08:00] Rewilding, our relationship with money. What I mean is really coming back to a natural rhythm with it, a balance. So when I talk about rewilding, your relationship with money, what I mean is coming back to a natural rhythm with money, right?
Money is energy. Energy moves. Money is meant to do the same. Money should flow through you. It should support you. It should absolutely nourish what matters. But it shouldn't be the all or nothing driving force of your business or completely irrelevant to you. It should be absolutely present, flowing, moving.
So when we rewild our relationship with money, what does that mean? It means, first of all, we stop trying to control and start listening, start receiving. It's about. Not try [00:09:00] to prove something all the time and start to trust in money. So a lot of this is tied up with not being good or bad with money, but being honest about money.
Because quite often we fall into one of two camps. Money is either the boss of us, so it, it's the one making the decisions or it's. It's the thing that we're running away from that we don't wanna look in the eye that we're avoiding. Right. And I wanna put this to you. What if money could be a partner for you?
What if it could be a partner that supports the purpose, the work you're trying to do? I really think that this reframe. Around the role that money plays in your life is so important. So stop a minute and think, how do I see money? Is money the boss? [00:10:00] Is it the one making or the decisions, or is money the villain?
The thing that I say I hate, the thing that I'm avoiding. Whichever one you are veering towards, if you could bring back balance, I promise you things would change massively for you. I wanna go back for a minute actually and just talk about some of those money stories that we grow up with. So there's loads of them.
If you've downloaded my Fix Money Mindset workbook, you probably have already. Gone through this. If you haven't, I'll link to it in the show notes. It's one of my oldest lead magnets. Still works a treat because it's a goodie. It really helps you reframe your way of thinking about money. So some of those stories are things like money doesn't grow on trees, right?
You've got to work hard for money. People like us don't have that kind of money. For me, a really big one that my [00:11:00] parents brought me up to believe was, you must put money away for a rainy day. How did that then show up? When I was building my business, I was reluctant to invest in anything. I didn't wanna pay for anything.
I bootstrapped everything. I didn't wanna invest in anything because I felt like I don't spend the money I'm earning because I might need it. What if something bad happens around the corner and I might need that money. The reframe for me was when I realized that I could reframe. You have to put money away for a rainy day to, if I make smart decisions for my business, I will always have an abundance of money for anything round the corner that comes up.
That was a huge reframe for me. And some of these, you know, money doesn't grow on trees, all of that kind of thing. Like me with the not wanting to invest in my business in the early days. [00:12:00] So those stories get wired into our nervous system. And then what happens is when a big opportunity does come up, or maybe you successfully raise your prices, or maybe you have a great month and you have a really great amount of money come into the business, right?
Your body goes into an alert mode because for you, abundance doesn't feel safe. You have to start recognizing when that's happening. And if abundance feels unsafe, you are gonna unwittingly take action. That redresses that balance. You're automatically going to go into self-sabotage mode. So in other words, you are going to pay, perhaps be reluctant to use that money to invest in your business.
You are going to be reluctant to pay yourself a little more and reward. That extra [00:13:00] money, you're gonna go into shutdown hoarding mode, right? That is because all of the money stories that we've grown up with that one about people like us don't have that kind of money. That's quite a common one, but also another one is that whole feeling of who am I to charge that, where you downplay your own success so that you don't make someone else feel uncomfortable.
That's money mindset. That's your money story is rearing their head. Maybe you are one of those people who secretly judges, people who talk openly about money. Why is that? Ask yourself the question, why does it make you uncomfortable to talk openly about money? If money isn't good or bad, if money is neutral, it's just energy.
Why is it good or bad? It's because of the inherited money stories that you grew up with. As you are thinking and getting aware, listening for these stories to come [00:14:00] up, don't shame yourself about it, right? Just be aware because that's where you can start rewiring things. So there's a few things that you can do to start really.
Looking at your relationship with money and changing it, you can start today to do these things. So let's run through them. The first one, I want you to name the inherited stories, so when guilt about money pops up, or fear around scarcity pops up, you know, whatever the feelings that you have about money.
Whose voice are you hearing? Is it your mom's voice? Is it a teacher's? Is it a past boss? Right? Name it. What's the story and whose voice is it you are hearing? That's the first thing you can start to do because that awareness is gonna start you getting to a place where you can actually make a new decision about how you wanna think about money.
The second one is I want you to track [00:15:00] the flow of money. Your life. Where does money move easily for you, and where does it get stuck? So maybe clients pay on time. You know that flow of money is really good from that perspective. But maybe you are hesitating to actually pay yourself. Maybe you are leaving yourself short every month because you are worried about taking money out of the business, right?
That is not flow. Maybe you are someone who invests in others really easily, but struggles to invest in your own growth, right? All of this is information. As you become more aware of it, you can look at dressing the balance. The third thing you can do is you can look at how you are charging, look at how you're setting the prices in your business, because often.
We set our pricing for acceptance. We're scared to charge a [00:16:00] price that someone else might not find acceptable, but I want you to ask something. When you are struggling with pricing your offers, ask yourself, what is the price that truly honors my energy and expertise? What is the price that really reflects the value that I offer?
And try not to think about what feels acceptable or reasonable, because that is a very, very different thing. Now, I'm not one of those people who says that you have to charge more than you are comfortable with, right? But I want you to be comfortable with charging a price, like I say, that honors your energy and your expertise.
Start thinking about that. Look at your own prices. Where are you charging from A place of fear? How can you address that? How can you bring that back into balance? The fourth thing I want you to think about is practicing, receiving, [00:17:00] letting things land with you. And this isn't just money. This is about compliments.
It's about people offering help. It's opportunities that could come your way. I want you to stop deflecting things. You know when we go, oh, it's nothing, you know? Oh, don't be silly. It's absolutely fine. You know, someone pays you a compliment. Oh, this old thing, right? If you can practice receiving in other parts of your life and business, then receiving money easily, allowing money to flow to you easily is going to feel much more natural for you.
Because that mindset around money not flowing to you, the mindset that's creating, that is the mindset that resists receiving on so many levels. So the next time someone pays you a compliment, can you just say thank you [00:18:00] and stop talking. Right. The next time someone says, oh my goodness, you know, that has really helped me out.
I appreciate that. Can you just say, well, thank you. Thank you for sharing that with me, and I'm really pleased. Right. Let that land, if someone offers to help you, instead of saying, oh, it's okay, I'll be fine. Can you say, oh my goodness, I would really appreciate that. Thanks. Here's how you can help me. That receiving is really part of the work.
That's a really important one. And then the last one is about redefining what wealth is for you. Little bit like we get to define what success means for us. We get to define what wealth means for us. One thing that you can do is start thinking about wealth in terms of what is enough. [00:19:00] What feels spacious, I can tell you exactly what being wealthy is For me, it's the ability for me to be able to breathe, create, live from a place of peace rather than a place of worry or panic.
That is wealth in my book, and money contributes to that. Okay. I'm hesitating with saying this because I know, I know. No, no. That there is so much about money mindset that people, particularly when we talk about abundance, and particularly when we talk about manifestation and those things, that people will be like, oh my God, what a load of old shit.
What a load of old crap. And I was one of those people for a long time, and I am still. Not the biggest fan of the whole manifestation piece. I don't [00:20:00] love the messaging around that because I think it gives a false impression of what manifestation really is. But one thing I do know is that there are things that money doesn't respond to, and there are things that money.
So I believe that money doesn't respond to us feeling guilty. It doesn't respond to us being in a scarcity mindset, right? But I know that money does respond to taking clear, aligned action. It responds to purpose and it responds to that flow, that being aware of flow and clearing the blockages. So when you spend money.
In alignment intentionally, it circulates. When you invest money in what you believe in, that's when it multiplies. And when you hoard money like I used to out of fear, [00:21:00] that's when it stagnates. So money for me, it's a mirror that really shows you. Where you are outta alignment with what you believe in. So let's think about that for a moment.
And there's one thing here. There's a definite distinction that I wanna make here because there is often a habit that we have of equating wealth with worth, and they're really, really, really not the same thing. When we think about wealth, wealth is external. You know, it's the numbers, it's the assets, it's the income, it's changes, it moves.
It's influenced by things. Sometimes it comes about by luck. Sometimes it comes about by strategy. Sometimes it's timing that influences it, right? Wealth is a movable thing. [00:22:00] Worth is not. Worth is internal. Worth doesn't change. It doesn't fluctuate with how much money is in your bank account. Your worth is who you're, it's your truth, it's your courage.
It's everything inside you that allows you to make a contribution. So. This conditioning that we've had to treat them as almost the same thing means that we end up tying our sense of worth to our financial results, and then suddenly money. Like I say, it's that mirror. It's telling us things like, I'll feel successful when I hit six figures, or I'll rest when I've earned it.
That's a really common one. And I'll invest in myself when the money's there. So another money story actually that I grew up with was to never go into debt. And as a business owner, I've realized that [00:23:00] actually strategic debt is part of building a business and trusting ourselves to make smart decisions.
Trusting in our ability as business owners is actually really important. So. Separating out the wealth and the worth. Very, very important. Okay? You can't let money carry or determine your self-esteem, right? You can't let money have that much power. And the weird thing is that when you stop with the proving and the grasping and the chasing.
The weird thing is that that is when the money starts to flow. That is when the money becomes the side effect of the really intentional, aligned work that you're doing. That's what I want for you. There is a big ask here around trust. And that's not easy. It isn't easy to have [00:24:00] trust where money's concerned.
'cause money is so emotive, the catastrophizing we do around money. If I can't pay my mortgage, I'm gonna be out on the streets. I'm gonna be end up living in a cardboard box at the side of the road. You know, money is so emotive. But as a business owner, it's part of your job to learn how to let money move, how to let money flow to you and away from you.
Oh, rather, there didn't, it's just, that's good. To wrap up, it's just such an important message. As business owners, we have to get good at this. So journaling prompts for this week, the first one, where in my business am I still asking money for permission. So whether that's, I don't know, permission to rest, permission to create something different, to feel successful, to feel [00:25:00] safe, where in your business are you allowing money to have that much power?
Okay, that's the first one. The second one, what part of me still believes that wealth and worth are the same thing? And what could happen if I stopped believing that? What would I do differently? And then the third prompt. I love this prompt. I try and do one of these every week because I feel like these questions are so important.
My own coach and I came up with a couple of these questions for each other recently, and oh my God, it was so powerful. But if money and I were in an honest relationship, what conversation are we long overdue to have? So with that, I want you to think about what needs forgiving, what needs claiming, or what needs renegotiating.
So don't rush these prompts. Sit down with them and just see what comes up [00:26:00] for you. As always, we will pop them in the show notes. I'll also put a link to that money mindset opt-in in the show notes because that is a really good workbook for working through all of this. There's a lot in there about working with slightly higher ticket clients as well.
'cause your money mindset is gonna really come into play. Okay. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Do go and check out the show notes because it's gonna have all of those links in it. As always, email me if something for you has come up when you have been journaling because I love hearing from you. [email protected] and I will see you back here, same time, same place next week.
Bye for now.
