Gill Moakes (00:00)
Welcome, welcome to Rewild Your Business. I'm your host, Gill Moakes. Thank you so much for joining me again. Happy to have you here. Well, I hope you're having a good week. I am having a good week because do you know why? This is the second podcast I have recorded this week, which means I'm literally getting ahead of myself again. My editor, Linah will be just so pleased with me and I do love the gold star.
Oh, feels good. Feels so good. I love to be ahead of the game when I create these podcasts because I really don't like, I suppose it's like writer's block, isn't it? You know, that feeling where you sit down, you've got to create something. That can be a bit, well, it can hold me back. I like to actually be able to do it with a bit more creativity, a bit more space. And that's what this is. So what are we talking about this week? This week.
We are talking about permission. We're talking about why we crave permission to do the things that we want to do that we know will move us forward, why we feel we need it and how to accept that it's not actually coming. Bad news, except it's good news because we really don't need it. The kind of permission that I'm talking about is that voice that says,
think I can charge that amount yet or ⁓ you know don't think I can claim that as my niche I don't feel I'm ready. A really common one there's no way I can actually position myself as an expert I'm not an expert right that's really common but we really crave that permission that makes things official because it makes it safe makes it okay for us to finally kind of
step into what we want to be doing. But honestly, that permission is not coming. It's never coming. It's not going to come from any kind of certification. It's not going to come when you've got a certain number of clients, a certain follower count. So if this external permission that we're craving, from who we don't really know, it's a feeling we have. It's a feeling like I'll be able to do X when Y is in place or when
this person says it's good or it's acceptable. You know, we don't really know whose permission is we're seeking. And actually the permission that you're kind of delaying things waiting for isn't coming. And if it isn't coming, what do we do instead? How do we move forward in acceptance of there being no permission on its way? And that's what we're diving into today. Let's get going.
Welcome to Rewild Your Business, the podcast for women doing the work their soul intended. I'm Gill Moakes. I'm an international business coach and I'm a guide for women doing the work that matters. Rewilding your business means cutting away what doesn't belong to allow what does to thrive. Finding simplicity in your work. And it's about bringing the whole of who you are to the table. Whether you're building something new, ⁓
or finding your way back to what really matters to you. I'm so glad you're here.
So I want to start off by sharing a little bit about my own journey around this because I think it might help you understand why this really matters to me. I'm pretty sure if you're a long-term listener of the podcast anyway, you will have heard me tell this story, God knows how many times. I'm always telling this story because I still find it very amusing that it's true. But it is completely and utterly true. And that is that when I
started my business, I was terrified of visibility. I mean terrified. I literally blocked everyone I knew on social media, everyone, because the thought of people I knew who knew me in my old kind of corporate job in insurance, the thought of those people seeing me talking about new things, positioning myself as a coach, watching the
change I was going through, maybe judging me, that just was all too much. I could not cope with the thought of people I knew seeing me in the messy middle, in the transformational stage. So for me to have gone from there to where I am now, sitting here talking to you, talking to the green dot on my computer as I do, for at least 30 minutes every week.
Putting my voice out into the world, my ideas, being brave enough to kind of sit here when I'm thinking about a topic to talk about, I always run it through the, this what I really think? Is this what I really believe filter? That's my biggest filter for things that make it onto the podcast is, is this my own genuine thoughts on this? Am I brave enough to share what I really believe in, in this topic?
So how did I go from being terrified of anyone knowing what I was doing to being brave enough to put out my own original thought content every week into the ether that is tintinette? And the truth is that no one gave me permission to do that. No one tapped me on the shoulder and said, okay, Gill, you're ready now. You know, it's okay now. You can do it now. Go and launch podcast. Right?
to at some point back myself. I had to at some point unblock my friends and family from social media and allow them to see the me, the whole of me that was now doing the thing I absolutely love, my coaching. I had to choose myself, right? And that doesn't happen if we are constantly waiting to feel ready. What actually
happens is we usually wait until the staying small, the hiding, feels worse than the fear of being seen. That's how it was for me. It took for me to get to a point where the frustration of not building the business I knew I was capable of building was so strong that it was more uncomfortable than allowing
people who knew me to see me in this new light online and to open myself up for judgment maybe or certainly for opinion. So why does this matter right now? Why am I talking about this today? Well, it's because we are now in November and this is when as coaches we tend to start planning for next year. And this pattern I see play over.
again and again and again every single year. I'll be ready in January. I'll be ready. Spoiler, you won't film already. This permission seeking loop that we get into really keeps us playing small. We're constantly putting everything that we want to do into the future because a certain set of circumstances are not perfectly aligned enough.
us to take action now. This keeps us playing small and that's one thing I cannot stand now. Having gone through my own transformation of, like I say, reaching a point where the frustration of playing it small, of not being visible, of not being able to build the business I wanted was more uncomfortable than the fear of the judgment and the fear of being seen. Since then, seeing brilliant women playing small has become something that I find so unbearable.
And if I can help one person who's listening to this podcast to think, shit, Gill's right. What am I waiting for? Why am I using all of these excuses to delay doing the things I want to do? If I can inspire one of you listening to actually take some action, imperfect action, that will be a job done for me. That will be a mission accomplished. And you know,
I just want to clear something up because often the thing that we say we lack when it comes to backing ourselves, choosing ourselves for success, the thing we say we lack is confidence, but I don't think it is about confidence at all. And I don't even really think it's about self-belief, although that does play a part in it for sure. But I think there's a massive misunderstanding of how permission actually works.
So what I really want us to think about is what are we really asking for when we seek permission for something? So what's actually happening when you tell yourself you're not ready yet? When you say, you know, I'm not ready or I need another certification or I need more clients before I can charge premium prices or, you know, I need X before Y. What you're actually saying is something quite different and I want you to really
hear this one. What you're really saying is I need proof that I won't fail. I need certainty that I'm good enough. And maybe I need someone else to take responsibility for my decision. So if you are someone who's always craving that validation from someone else, who's always wants everyone's opinion on what you're doing, you'll get a second, third, fourth opinion if you can.
If you know this is true about yourself, if you're like slightly cringing a little bit as you listen to this and like, yeah, that's me. I want you to really think about this because underneath all of that permission seeking, that validation seeking, right? There is a real desire and it's legitimate, right? You want safety. So you want safety from judgment. You want to be protected from failure and
To feel protected, to feel safe. You want certainty, but honestly you're not on a certain path. If you are growing a business, entrepreneurship is the definition of an uncertain path, honestly. You know, it's not possible to always be craving someone else to blame if it doesn't work out. But I do get it. We're trained to wait for permission for things our whole lives.
You know, when you think about it, like at school, you have to be like, raise your hand and wait until you're called on to answer, you know, in a job. I don't think I was ever destined to stay in a corporate career. I remember getting really frustrated of having to have approval of things. So I was an underwriter in insurance. We had a certain level of underwriting authority and beyond that you had to like refer it say to either someone more senior than you to sign it off or you have to refer it to head office to sign it off. And I remember that used to drive me.
bananas. But it's a thing. It's an absolute accepted part of corporate life. And actually society in general teaches us and has always taught us, particularly as women, to wait for someone else to tell us it's okay. That external validation that we crave, feels certain. It feels more measurable. You can look at it and be like, see, there we go. That's the proof I needed. Someone else agrees with me or someone else is validating that.
Also, I think if we're honest, know, waiting delays us having to take action that feels scary. So it's another way we're protecting ourselves, you know. If you're not ready yet, it's not that you're failing, you're just preparing. Just getting ready. But no amount of external permission or external validation is ever going to make you feel ready. Not really. You're always going to move the goalposts. It's what we do.
You know, once I have this certification, then I'm going to whatever, except then it's like, well, okay, I've got my certification and once I've got 10 clients, then I will whatever. You know, you're constantly moving goalposts and it's because you want that guaranteed success, but it doesn't exist. There is no guarantee of anything and there's no amount of preparation that will guarantee your success.
There's no certification or qualification that's going to make failure impossible. So the way I see this is that there are kind of like three common permission traps that we fall into. A really, really common one is qualifications. I see this probably the most often and it's like once I've completed such and such a certification, then I'll increase my prices.
or once I've got this credential, you know, then I'll launch my website or then I'll put myself out there. I see these brilliant coaches who are almost collecting qualifications. None of it is ever enough. And they're putting so much energy into every single training, certification, qualification, anything that delays them having to actually put themselves out there and get clients and build their business. And I think there's a
problem, a fundamental problem with this and that is that the coach believes that expertise is represented by certificates, right? But clients, they are not interested in certificates. They don't buy certificates. They buy transformations. Collect testimonials, not certifications.
That would be my advice. Now I'm not saying for one minute that we don't need to train and get certified and get really good at what we do as coaches. But I think if you're listening to this and it's resonating, you know the difference. You know the difference between getting the certifications or the qualifications you need and using it as a trap that will stop you from giving yourself permission to move forward. Right?
So I think that's a really, really big one. As a coach, I would argue that you are qualified and you are ready the moment you can deliver a transformation for your client. So your qualification is your ability to get results. It isn't a particular certificate or letters after your name or anything like that. And you know what? Every single coach that you admire probably started before
They felt fully qualified or fully ready. Every single one. And let me just share with you this. I have just started my PCC training, my advanced coach training. So I'm ACC credentialed and I decided to get my PCC accreditation because I really am interested in the curriculum. I want to explore the kinds of
coaching skills and I want to develop my practice, right? I haven't waited for anything. I mean, I've built my business to where it is now without that qualification, right? So I believe I'm doing it for the right reason. So I'm not for a minute saying that certifications and qualifications aren't important. I just don't want you to use them as a trap to stop yourself moving forward, right? So the second permission trap is the numbers.
game, right? This one is really sneaky as well, because it feels really logical. So this is where we're saying things like, okay, when I've got 10 clients, then I'm going to raise my prices. Or, you know, I need X number of followers, and then I'll launch this thing, or I'll wait to create my signature offer once I have more data. I'm a big fan of data, but I don't let it trap me from moving forward, right?
These are another delaying tactic. So these kind of milestones that keep moving, because we do keep moving them all the time, everything's always just out of reach. It's completely made up. The numbers you pick are always made up. You just pluck them out of thin air and you make up this rule for yourself. This rule that states when permission will be granted for you to do why. And what is happening here is that you are
confusing activity metrics, right, with readiness, with actually being ready to take action. They don't equal each other. They don't correlate like that. And here's something, this will surprise you, right, you can build a six-figure coaching practice with around 500 engaged followers. And I have seen that done.
I've seen it done multiple times. And to be honest with you, I've done it. So I know this can be done. So that waiting for the numbers to be really big before you actually do something, these are stories you're making up to delay having to take the action. And you know, all that time when you're focused on waiting for numbers to grow, when you're focused on, you know, getting to a certain number of Instagram followers or something, you know,
All of that energy, you could be putting that into refining your offer, serving your ideal clients, creating transformations. And of course, you know, the one metric that is going to help you feel ready and is going to help you give yourself permission to move forward is the number of incredible testimonials that you collect. Those are going to help you, right?
but that's chicken and egg. Those are not going to come until you stop waiting for permission and start putting yourself out there. Start building your business, taking imperfect action. Start doing the thing, having the conversations, positioning yourself as the expert now. Absolutely now. Right? And you know, I mean, we've been talking a lot over the last few weeks, haven't we, about, you know, relationships over algorithms.
One real conversation is worth more than a thousand passive followers. So that's a huge reframe. You don't need this big numbers to be able to have the impact you want to have and to grow your business. Another really common one actually with the numbers game is pricing. I see this a lot where I can't increase my prices until I'm attracting a better kind of client. Then I can increase my prices and that
is the wrong way around because premium pricing attracts better clients. You know, that doesn't come after you've proven yourself with volume, right? The pricing itself changes that client relationship. Really good example of the kind of wonky thinking that we go through here. And the third trap, I think, is the timeline trap. this one is where we always just move back the timeline.
I'm going to give myself six months. That's it. It's never I'll be ready in six months. It's like, I'm going to give myself six months. I mean, what do you actually mean when you're saying that? I'm going to give myself six months to do what? What's going to be different in six months time? Because that preparation is not going to give you permission to take action.
The other things we use are things like, me get through this busy period first, or I need to figure everything out before I can start. I mean, that's essentially what we're saying. And there's always going to be a reason to delay, always. You will always be able to come up with something that is logical. It's a busy period. It's a holiday. Mercury's in retrograde, whatever. But that isn't you.
Preparing it is you procrastinating and you know that deep down you know that. You know on some level that you're waiting for perfect conditions that are literally never going to exist for you. It's never going to be a perfect time when you have unlimited energy and zero distractions and everything's figured out and time passing just doesn't equal readiness. It doesn't work that way. You don't become ready by waiting and you don't have to have it all figured out before you start.
Because often the clarity that you really want is only going to come after you start taking action. You have to move into action. You have to test things. You have to experiment with things. Think about marketing. How many times have I said on this podcast, know, marketing is all about experimenting. It's finding things that work for you. It's trying things and finding that they don't work and putting them down and trying something else.
You can't think yourself into clarity. You have to like do the work to get there. Going back to what I was saying at the beginning about me kind of blocking everyone I know, it's because I wanted to build my business in private. That's the truth. I didn't want anyone to see that I didn't have everything figured out. I didn't want everyone to see that things weren't perfect or that I was experimenting with something and it didn't work.
didn't want anyone to see any of that. But actually your business is only going to get built in public. If you keep it in private, it's not going to get built. It's going to get built through the doing, through iterating, through learning as you go and trying things. One of my clients actually from Mastery came to me with quite a clear vision, but she felt quite scattered and
In the feedback that she gave me after the program, she said the thing that she'd been really scared about was doing the ideal client interviews. So in mastery in the second module, we do ideal client interviews and she'd been putting them off and she really felt uncomfortable doing them. Finally, she did them. And one of the quotes that I have from the testimonial she provided for me was not scary after all and such.
valuable content. So the thing she was avoiding gave her exactly what she needed because those ideal client interviews are bloody gold. That's where you get to inform your messaging with the words that people who represent your ideal clients are actually using to describe their pain points, their desires, all of that. She had to stop waiting and she had to actually do it to be able to move forward.
So if external permission isn't coming and we have all these traps that are keeping us stuck, then what's alternative? Where do we go with that? And I think I want to try and explain to you what self-permission actually looks like. But honestly, it is harder than waiting for someone else to tell you you're ready. That's why we choose to wait because self-permission can feel tough.
And here's the truth about it. Self permission isn't a feeling. It isn't something you will feel and therefore that represents you having permission to move forward and do something. Right? It's not a feeling. It's a decision. You're not going to feel ready. You're not going to feel certain. You might not feel safe, but you are going to decide anyway. And that's it.
That is what self-permission is. It's a decision. It can be an intuitively informed decision. And I highly recommend that every decision you make in your business is intuitively informed. But if you are someone who's constantly waiting for external permission, then digging deep for your intuition can feel really tough, really uncomfortable. So accept.
Please just accept this that self-permission is not a feeling, it's a decision and it requires a few things from you. It requires you to accept that if you give yourself permission, there's no one else to blame if something doesn't work out. There's no safety net of, yes, well, I wasn't ready anyway. You you own your decision fully.
even before you've got that proof that everything's going to work out. So when I think back to when I started this podcast, I had no idea if I was going to be any good at it. I had no idea if I could sit and talk into a microphone, to be quite honest, and I certainly had no idea if anyone would listen. And actually for the first six months, pretty much no one did. But I couldn't point to anyone else and say, told me to do this or they pushed me to do this before I was ready or anything like that.
It was my decision, my responsibility. Take radical responsibility for the decisions you make in your business. It's empowering. And you need to work that like a muscle, by the way. You need to get really good at making decisions. There's a few things in business I think you need to exercise like a muscle and decision-making is definitely one of them. Self-permission. Definitely.
It's a muscle. Keep practicing it. When you feel yourself being called to get someone else's validation, actually make a decision. No, this time I'm not going to. I'm going to own my decision here. I'm going to take complete and utter radical responsibility for this decision. And I'm going to deal with whatever the consequences of it are because intuitively I believe this is the right thing to do. Right? The second thing that self permission.
is going to ask for from you is to be tolerant with discomfort. You're going to be charging premium prices before you feel, I'm doing the air quotes, the podcast air quotes, worth it. You might be claiming expertise while you're still learning because you know that you do have expertise even though you're still enhancing your knowledge.
Right? You're going to be visible before you've really got out of the messy middle, before you're the polished end article. And you're going to need to make offers to potential clients before you have every single answer inside your business ironed out and lined up perfectly. One thing that this isn't, and this is really important, I am not talking about fake it till you make it.
That is not ethical. I hate that expression. I really, really hate it. But this is about understanding that discomfort is part of growth. It's meant to feel uncomfortable because if it doesn't, you're not pushing your edges at all. And I think the third thing that self-permission is going to ask from you is for you to redefine what ready means for you.
Because ready doesn't mean perfect. It just means being willing to try something. And being ready doesn't have to mean guaranteed success. It means being committed to take action without understanding yet what the outcome is going to be. And being ready doesn't necessarily have to mean having every detail mapped out. It means being really clear on the transformation you offer your client. You know, that
being the most important part of your coaching business. Right. I think your belief in yourself has to become stronger than your need for someone else's validation. And I believe that doesn't matter how much external validation you get, it will never be enough.
to trigger self permission unless you understand these things that self permission is making a decision and it's about being uncomfortable and it's about redefining what ready means. Right. I don't think any amount of external validation will override the need for you to understand all of those things and take action based on those things. So if you choose yourself, if you give yourself permission, you also give yourself
responsibility. So there's nowhere to hide. There's no one else to blame. And that does feel scary. But one thing that I know to be true, because this has been my experience, my own journey is that that self permission, that finally making a decision to make smart decisions for my business, to own the decision, to take responsibility for the outcome, right? It's only then.
that I was able to build the business I actually wanted. And that is the truth. Because up until then, you end up building the business that someone else thinks is right for you. And I don't want that for you. I want you to have the feeling of autonomy in your business. I want you to own every decision, every outcome, every experiment. And something changes, you know, when you get good at this,
When you get really good at giving yourself permission and not waiting for anyone else or not waiting to be ready, not waiting for, like I say, someone else's validation, things change. One thing massively changes and that is your own energy. Your energy will shift from proving constantly to creating. You will find that you have much more confidence in your own creativity. And I think you become much more confident in how you run your business.
Whether that's your marketing, whether it's your offers, whether it's delivering your coaching to your clients, you know, whatever it is, you become quite unapologetic about doing it your way. And also I think this plays a massive part in getting very clear with your niche because once you're more committed to your business, which is what giving yourself permission to move forward is that.
actually allows you to attract clients who trust you more. You know, they say like dogs sense when someone's afraid of them. I feel like clients sense when we don't trust ourselves. I think that clients can feel it. Do you know what I mean? Like I really think that people can sense it. And so I'm going to say it again, self-permission, self-validation. It is a decision.
and it's a muscle you can keep working. Get really good at it and you are going to trust yourself. Trust yourself, your clients will trust you. This is really fundamentally important. Okay, so let's put this into a little bit of a framework. Do I like to do that? No, I love a good framework, don't I? Love a good framework. First step, name what it is you're actually waiting for. So,
think about this journal around it. If what comes up for you is more experience, example, what specifically, what would enough experience actually look like? Right? So get very specific about the permission you're really seeking. What is it you're really seeking validation of? And usually when you do this, you're going to realise it's imaginary. You're waiting for something that probably doesn't exist or at least can't be quantified. Right?
The second step is identify what waiting is costing you. What are you not doing while you wait? Who are you not serving? What revenue are you not getting into your bank account while you're waiting? How is playing small like this serving you? Because it does serve you. It absolutely serves you. It's keeping you safe from failure. It's keeping you safe from judgment. Saving you from having to fully own
what you're capable of, but what is it costing you? That is the question I have for you. And then the third step is I want you to make the decision as if permission has been granted. So this is where those questions like, what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? What would you charge if you fully backed yourself and trusted yourself and believed in yourself? What
action would you take if you weren't waiting for someone else's validation? ⁓ And then do those things because that is what making the decision is. That's taking radical responsibility. Step four is around taking that first uncomfortable action, not perfect action. This is really important because if you, we go back into like the loop, if we're waiting to take perfect action,
Just take the next action, right? Book a discovery call before you've perfected your offer. In fact, allow that discovery call to inform what might need to go into your offer by gaining insight from that person. Post content before you're really clear, crystal clear on your messaging. Doesn't have to be perfect, right? Action is what creates evidence. It's not the other way around.
So often we behave like it's the other way around. It isn't. It's the action that creates the evidence. And that brings us onto the last thing. And this one's really important, the fifth step. And that is, want you to build an evidence bank. I want you starting from today, start tracking every single win. I don't care if it's tiny or huge, just, I want you to be obsessive about collecting client feedback.
Literally every testimonial, casual comment about how you've helped someone, every result someone has shared with you. I want you to collect all of those things in an evidence bank. Notice what's working because that evidence bank becomes part of your self-permission slip. You've still got to act first to be able to create the evidence. We can't wait. Okay?
You're as ready now as you will ever feel. And that I get it is a scary thought, particularly if you're someone who is like, well, I'm frozen. I don't feel ready at all. So that is a horrible, horrible thing to say to me. I'm sorry, but it's true. You're as ready now as you are ever going to feel because we keep moving the goalposts. So there are things right now in my business that I don't feel ready for.
Am I allowing that to stop me taking action? Absolutely not. And more time won't ever make you feel ready. It'll give you more time to talk yourself out of things, that's for sure. It'll give you more time to get anxious and to make more excuses for not taking action. That's for sure. If you are a coach who on some level is maybe struggling a little to build your practice, I want you to think about something.
The coaches who are successful, who are building successful coaching practices, it's not necessarily that they are more talented than you, that they're better coaches. It's not that they're more qualified. It's not that they deserve it more. It's probably because they're more willing to be uncomfortable than you are. So I really want you to think about that because that is the truth. The permission that you've been waiting for, you already have it.
You just got to claim it. Give it to yourself. You know, you're allowed to call yourself an expert in your area. You're allowed to claim your niche, even if it feels narrow or risky or whatever it is, you're allowed to claim it. You're allowed to build your business your way, even if it doesn't look like everyone else's. Especially if it doesn't look like everyone else's. And you're allowed to start before you're ready because you're never going to feel ready enough. So I have an invitation for you. I want you to.
do a bit of journaling. What's one permission that you've been waiting for? So in other words, what is something that you've been delaying, that you've been seeking external validation for, that you've been trying to manifest readiness for? What is one thing where you could give yourself the permission today? Not tomorrow, not next year, not when you've got more clients, not when you feel more confident, today. What would you do if you just decided?
Right? The mindset piece of growing a business, you know, it really is just as important as the strategy. In my signature program, Mastery, which is an 18 week, really foundational business training for coaches. We spend time on the mindset as well as the strategic roadmap. Mastery is an incredible do this thing next program. It's a.
intimate small group program, get coaching with me every week live. But it's just as much about your mindset as it is about learning how to create your personal brand, how to understand your ideal clients, how to create your irresistible offers, how to develop your thought leadership, how to create your marketing ecosystem. We cover all of those things, fundamental things for growing a successful
highly profitable, let's add, business, right? We cover all of that in Mastery. But we do also cover this kind of thing, like this episode today. The mindset around choosing yourself for success. This is so important. Okay, I hope this has been a useful episode for you. If you would like to join me in Mastery, and I really hope you will because it is, I'm going to say it.
think it's the best business training program for coaches that you will find out there. And I think part of the reason for that is that I have built this program from my own perspective as a coach who's built a successful coaching practice. I am not a marketing guru. I'm not a online business guru. I'm a coach and I know what works.
what doesn't work when it comes to building a coaching business and I've infused all of that into Mastery. It's a complete roadmap. go to JillMokes.com forward slash Mastery, find out some more. We'll start enrolling for the next cohort soon, but yeah, register an interest now and you will be kept informed of when we are opening the doors for the next cohort to start enrollment. Okay, I hope you've...
enjoyed this episode and I will see you back here again next week. Same time, same place. Bye for now.
